How To Take Control Of Valentines Day


If you’re like many women, Valentine’s Day can be tricky; it’s a big deal for you, and your man somehow blows it more often than he gets it “right”.

How can you deal with this annual dance of angst leading up to February 14th, so often followed by hurt, angry, disappointed or resentful feelings afterwards?


In the past I’ve made the suggestion that, instead of waiting for their man to “do the right thing”, just take him “off the hook” and tell him that this year is going to be all about him, as a way to thank him for all he’s provided, all year long.

Many women have taken me up on the suggestion and have been delighted with how well it’s worked out. They said they had more fun, their men were blown away, and many of the men showed their appreciation in unexpectedly sweet ways.

This year, I have another suggestion: give yourself the gift of love for Valentine’s Day.

Stop expecting your man to come up with some worthy-of-a-romance-novel way to tell you how much you mean to him.

The pressure of that expectation - on both of you – is wicked!

Hey, before you go crazy on me, I am NOT saying that you shouldn’t have your man show you that he loves you, or have a special day to honor the wonderful woman that you are.

What I am saying is that there’s a great way to eliminate those killer expectations and make sure you have what you want on that day, and that is to plan it for yourself.

Yup, plan it for yourself.

Now, if you do this, but do it with the wrong attitude, it will not work. This isn’t about sending him some kind of an “f-off!” message, and it’s not about giving up on the possibility of feeling loved by your man.

It’s just ensuring that you get the experience you want on this day – a day that means an entirely different thing to many men.

No one on the planet knows as well as you do what your heart/soul/body yearns for as a way to feel loved. And with the pressure that mounts for a “perfect” experience on Valentine’s Day, it’s such a set-up for not feeling as loved and special as you want to feel.

And, although you may find yourself making it about the jewelry, or the fancy restaurant, or the gorgeous flowers, isn’t what you’re ultimately looking for is an experience of being loved?

The issue is that most women spend the whole year prior to V-day giving, giving, giving – and many women do this without feeling like they’re getting enough in return.

So we try to get our tanks refilled in one day: Valentine’s Day…an impossible situation!

What would happen if you told your man that, instead of having him go out and spend money on the obligatory jewelry, flowers and/or dinner, you wanted to use that same money and:

•spend the day being pampered at a spa

•buy yourself something that made you feel exquisitely gorgeous

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Karen Jones


Karen Jones

Helping women have scrumptious relationships with men...since 1997!

The Heart Matters

(978) 557-9993

Author of "Men are Great".

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Location: Lawrence, MA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
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