Men tend not to offer the kind of information you want when you ask them, “How do you feel?” for these reasons:
a. They often don’t have rapid access to feelings, and so the question requires some time and consideration
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b. They feel your need to hear something and it feels manipulative
c. It’s not a question that elicits the right information
Instead of “How do you feel?” You want to ask your man specific questions that inspire him to share deeply with you, --on his terms -- such as…
a. What’s important to you?
b. What do you care about?
c. What do you value most?
d. What do you love?
e. What do you hate?
f. What would you die for?
g. When did you hurt the most?
h. When were you happiest?
These kinds of open-ended questions give him space to formulate and reveal himself, in a way that feels good to him, without the pressure of you needing something, emotionally.
The key is to ask with a true desire to know, rather than with the hope for a specific response. It’s important not to try to manipulate your man or trick him into opening to you, but to find a spacious place in you -- where you’re open to hear whatever he decides to share.
If your man continuously closes down to your invitations to open, look at your motivations. What agenda are you pushing? What is it that you need him to say? Let your agenda fall away and find an openness inside of you.
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When he does share, thank him and resist the urge to dig or push for more. This will build trust that he can share with you free of pressure or judgement.
Karen Brody helps women get the love they want from men. Contact her for a powerful, complimentary consultation, and discover your hidden obstacles to intimacy and love!