Tap Into Self Love On Your Search For Real Love


Dating Coach Advice: Self Love For Real Love
If you don't think you're awesome, how will your partner?
Searching for a soulmate? Try cultivating a relationship with yourself, first.

At this moment there is someone out there looking for their soulmate. They're annoyed it's taking so long and confused about where that person might be. "Where is my soulmate?!has become a kind of cultural war cry. People all over the world are searching far and wide for that special person to perfectly complement their precious soul. We feel like a pirate on the edge of his ship looking out to sea for riches and treasure — our special someone must be out there also. "Ahoy mateys! Arrr. Me in search of the special lass! Full steam ahead, weigh ye anchors, let ye find thee soulmate. We comin' to get ye lass! Sail ho!"

People search for their soulmate like it's a game of hide-and-seek. Is our soulmate in the pantry? Make sure to check behind the couch. Oh, wait, what about that big closet in the second bedroom? Make sure to look there too. They have to be somewhere! Frustrated, we buy a telescope, look into the beautiful night to say, "These constellations are beautiful. I think that's the Big Dipper, and over there, is that Orion? My soulmate has to be up here somewhere too." (Note to stargazing soulmater-searchers: you will probably not find your perfect match in the milky way).

More from YourTango: Want A Successful Relationship? Consider Acting Like A Kid

A soulmate signifies one person — singular. In contrast, my friend Nate is dating online and meeting a new lady every week. His profile says "I'm looking for my soulmate," but his actions seem to prove otherwise. How can he look for a soulmate when he's plowing through dates like there's a quota to meet? At this rate, Nate would have found not one soulmate, but 52 of them; one very special gal each week. Why have one soulmate when many are available, I guess?

Another friend of mine, David, has been craving companionship. If he could just find his soulmate, he would be happy, he says. I'm confused about this, because most of his nights are spent drinking booze at the local pub. Do you expect to find this soulmate you speak of at the bottom of a whiskey glass? I don't think your soulmate is going to arrive through the doors of the saloon at closing time. Maybe you've convinced yourself that your soulmate's name is Jack Daniels. The good news is if you and Jack aren't getting along, you also have close relations with your other buddies, Sam Adams and Jim Bean. (Who needs an actual, real, tangible soulmate with Jameson ready and willing to hang all night)?

On certain occasions David will take the bartender home, and between the forgivable hours of 2am and 10am they are "drunkmates." At that point she'll wake up, confused about where she is again, leaves, and works to forgive her own soul again. David gets up, badly hungover and checks his online dating emails. He returns a few emails to potential "soulmates," but he doesn't know their names or what even made them smile today. Later that night, David finds himself back at the same bar, sitting on the same stool, talking to the same bartender, drinking the same whiskey. David and the bartender are both "looking" for their soulmate, but so far, they've only attracted what each other has to offer.

Why is this? Consider this: we put so much effort and energy into finding our soulmate, but far too little time into understanding our own soul. If one leads a life of drunken debauchery coupled with a lack of discipline and direction, is that person really ready and willing to accept a soulmate? We should all try to cultivate a healthy soul from within. Once we've developed an amazing relationship with our own soul, then we're ready to embrace another.

Nights at bars and afternoons perusing dating sites can be fun, but if you're serious about getting serious, consider the lifestyle you're leading and how you really feel about yourself, first. 

If this resonated with you please check out my book "Pray Your Kids Are Ugly" - Thoughts on Online Dating and the Future of Human Interactions.

Like this piece? If so, check out my website.

Justin Kelly McClure
the Online Dating Critic
twitter, facebook, google plus

More from YourTango: The One Surprising Reason You're So Addicted To Online Dating

More Love Advice from YourTango:

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Justin Kelly McClure


Honest, Irreverent, Hilarious, Genuine about Dating.
Check out my site:

ONLINE DATING FAIL - funny dating profiles
DATING ANIMATIONS - funny illustrations of dating
PHILOSOPHICAL AND HUMOROUS BLOGS - all things funny, honest, and insightful about dating today. 


My book:
"PRAY YOUR KIDS ARE UGLY" - Affects of Online Dating and the future of Human Interactions. 

Google Plus

Location: NEW YORK, NY
Credentials: LMHC
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support, Health Coach, Online Dating
Other Articles/News by Justin Kelly McClure:

Why No One Cares About Your Pretty Personality


Dating in general is shallow, and dating online is like having no water in the pool. Do you want to swim in the deep end where it's not shallow? Good luck with that because you better teleport to the 1920s when people had fewer options and less selection. Until your time machine is fixed, you'll have to settle for the shallowness of dating in the 21st ... Read more

Avoid These Online Dating Clichés Or Else


Do you like to have a good time, consider yourself a "real person", and are passionate about your career?  As standard questions on most online dating websites, you would think that depending on how intriguing or quirky your answers are, they would lead you one step closer to finding the one. Get ready for your bubble to burst, ... Read more

The Do's Of Online Dating: How To Skip The Games To Find Love


No matter what you do (or don't do) with online dating, take most of it as entertainment. Dating sites are social networking sites with a dating theme. Look for friends first and don't take it too seriously. If you take it too seriously, you'll forget the purpose of meeting new people to begin with: to have fun. Really children give us the best ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Dating: So You're In Debt, When Should You Tell Them?

Debt And Dating: When Should You Reveal Financial Troubles?

Own up to money challenges at the appropriate time openly and honestly.

Common Stages Of Divorce

9 Tips For Navigating The Common Stages Of Divorce

Are you facing divorce? Design your own strategy for navigating the common stages of divorce.

Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>