Keep these in mind, ladies.
This list represents the most common complaints made and doesn't represent every man's experience, nor is this list the result of a sound empirical research study. The information is offered with the intent to stimulate communication between partners, not to create any shame, wrong-doing or blame.
Our sexuality is complex. And just as any relationship requires on-going inquiry, communication, negotiation and attention, so does your intimate sexual relationship.
People attach a lot of things to their sexuality: power, attractiveness, acceptance, control, and so on. Exploring your sexuality and communicating with your partner about sex can be both rewarding and risky. My hope is that these tips can help in this endeavor so everyone can have a more satisfying and fulfilling sexual relationship.
So ladies, here are the top five mistakes women make in bed:
1. They expect their lover to read their mind.
Men aren't mind readers and each woman can vary in terms of what pleases her and helps her reach orgasm. Let your partner know how he can please you. Be specific and concrete. Show him. Gentle but clear direction will be greatly appreciated. Your man wants to please you, you just need to tell him how.
2. They're a passive partner.
This shows up in a number of ways. Men don't necessarily want to have to run the show all the time. Be willing to initiate sex; men like to be seduced as well. Be willing to try new things. No one wants to have the same meal for dinner night after night after night. Learn to get comfortable being out of your comfort zone.
3. They expect their lover to perform on demand.
Contrary to what some men will have you believe, men don't have an instant "on" switch for sex. Men are entitled to be tired, stressed, not in the mood or interested in just cuddling, just as women are.
Respect the fact that just because you want sex doesn't mean your lover is wanting and willing to perform on demand. However, if you want to try and get him in the mood, remember that foreplay and seduction works the same way for him as it does for you. It's important to be sensitive to the moods and needs of your partner. Know when to back off and learn how your man likes to be stimulated before, during and after sex.
4. They talk during and after sex.
Not that kind of talk, if you know what I mean. Let's face it: we know how to talk and we know when we have a captive audience. But I was surprised to find out from men how many women use sexual encounters to go over needs, complaints, schedules and problems with their mates.
Turn off any non-sexy talk. This is the time to connect with your partner in tactile ways. Get out of your head and into your body, and let your partner do the same. The same goes for post-coital time. It's common for men to drift off into sleep after they've had an orgasm. Their bodies are designed to do just that. Don't take it personally if your man is more inclined to sleep and less inclined to talk after sex.
5. They don't take care of their hygiene.
Be aware of your overall health and hygiene. If you know you're going on a hot date with your honey, shower, shave and lotion yourself up with your favorite body lotion. Be aware of any infections and take good care of your health. Of course, the same goes for the men out there. Let's be responsible partners for each other when it comes to disease, cleanliness, birth control and health.
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