5 Things You Must Know Before Getting Divorced

By

5 Things You Must Know Before Getting Divorced [EXPERT]
Thinking of getting divorced? Here are five steps to navigate this process with ease and integrity.

You've done everything you can to make the marriage work. You've been to more than one marriage counselor, you've read every book on how to make a marriage great, and you've struggled with the consequences for both you and your children on calling it quits. You've come to the painful conclusion that no matter how much you want your marriage to work, it simply does not. You submit to the reality of divorce and you're ready to take that final step out of your marriage and into the unknown territory of navigating a divorce.

Divorce, no matter what the circumstances, is a painful process. It is hard to let go of someone with whom you planned on spending your life. If you have children together, you must face the realities of single parenthood and supporting your children through the difficult transition. There is a lot to grieve and a lot to do.

Having been through a divorce myself (with small children) and having counseled hundreds of couples in varying circumstances, I can't give you any magic pill to make the process pain-free. However, I can offer some solid advice to help smooth out the waters and give you an edge on how to approach your divorce with more grace and dignity. Here are five guidelines to help you navigate your divorce with more ease.

1. Be aware of your anxieties and fears. There are so many changes and unknowns that show up during a separation and divorce. It is normal for them to wreak havoc on the process. The first thing you need to do is to be aware of your emotions. Identifying your feelings and what is driving them will allow you to manage them better.

2. Separate your emotions and fears from your negotiations. People get into trouble and create unnecessary legal and emotional battles when their emotions are running the show. You may be anxious about how you will be able to financially support yourself or about how much time you will have with your children. While these issues understandably create a lot of anxiety, it is imperative to address these important issues in a rational and constructive manner. In doing so, you will create a more cooperative approach as opposed to a combative and competitive one. Divorced & Dating? Why You Haven't Met Mr. Right

More divorce advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Julie Orlov

Counselor/Therapist

Julie Orlov, MAOL, MSW, LCSW
Relationship Builder

Speaker, Psychotherapist, Coach and Author of The Pathway to Love:
Create Intimacy and Transform Your Relationships through Self-Discovery
jorlov@julieorlov.com www.julieorlov.com
www.julieorlovconsulting.com
310-379-5855

Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked-In

 

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: LCSW, MSW, Other
Other Articles/News by Julie Orlov:

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means To YOU!

By

Mutual respect is key to successful relationships. Marriages take two people committed to the covenants of respect, and while every couple has the right and responsibility to define what that means to them, I'd thought I'd give you my definition (in acronym form) of RESPECT. Respond to each other's feelings and concerns in a thoughtful and non ... Read more

Don't Let Your Ex Sabotage Your Future

By

Even when you're ready to start dating after a breakup, your last relationship may be getting in the way. For example, if your ex was a great lover, you may compare his love making to every potential partner that comes your way. If your new love interest doesn't measure up, you may focus on the comparison, dismissing all the unique, wonderful qualities ... Read more

7 Ways To Deal With Your Empty Nest

By

It's that time of year. The school year is coming to a close and for those of you who are parents, this means dealing with endings and preparing yourself and your children for the new beginnings that lie ahead.  For those of you that have graduating seniors, like myself, it is a more poignant time of year. It is the time to begin the process of ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular