“How can someone like you still be single?” How many of you have heard that question at family gatherings, a party with friends, or during a work event leaving you with that feeling of being, “the last single girl on the block.” This question may lead you to ask other questions that become an internal dialogue, “If I am so wonderful, how come I’m still single?” or, “Why does my singleness matter to so many people?” Through working with my clients, I have found that the extent, to which you allow the “last girl” label to define you, can affect your ability to move forward and find love.
What’s behind your feelings?
In today’s world 1 out of 4 adult women have never been married, and that statistic is on the rise. Consequently, the desire to meet and get married is still a priority for most single women today. You may have heard or read claims that unmarried women have been so busy managing their careers they somehow didn’t have time to look up and notice the flotilla of single, marriage minded men floating right by them.
There are many opinions about how still single women are, “too selective, or promiscuous, or self-involved, or inflexible” to seek out and recognize a marriage minded guy. For some this might be very accurate. However, there are those who have tried and found themselves still single even after searching for so long. Faced with the fact that roughly 50% of adults are married; you may believe that by a certain age, you should be paired off.
The media can add to this expectation by “selling” us the couple concept. It would be difficult to avoid all those smiling happy couples coming at you from the TV, movies, magazine, and advertisements – even if you wanted to.
Friends and family
The pressure to get married is often compounded by family and friends, which begs the question, why does your “singleness” matter to so many people? These people love you and want you to be happy and fulfilled. They have found their happiness by being in a relationship, so they believe the same will be true for you. Parents, friends and well-meaning relatives may ask you about that “terrific guy” you dated a zillion years ago; or the one who “got away”.
They may talk about siblings who have children or their friends with grandchildren to let you know they are more than ready to place their order. These conversations can leave you feeling that no matter what else you have achieved in other areas of your life, if you are still single, the slate is wiped clean of those accomplishments.