The secret to getting respect from men is respecting yourself.
Women often write me asking questions and below is one I thought was very interesting. The question is about when a man loses respect for a woman. Read on to see if you can relate and my answer to this pressing question.
“I have a question for your blog. When do men lose respect for a woman? Example: when out on a first date, a woman sets limit of no intercourse but everything else goes. Guy parks car and all else but intercourse happens. Does he see woman as not relationship material for long term? Is this something a high class women would not permit? I am sure other women question this.” M.P.
When does a man lose respect for a woman? Personally, I think the more important question is when does a woman lose respect for herself? So let's take your question about intercourse. In the context of timing when it comes to sex, a man should respect your wishes period. Let's say you prefer to wait for marriage before sex or you prefer to have a conversation about exclusivity if you are going to have regular sex. These are your rights and you should stand by your beliefs.
If you’re concerned he might lose interest because you don’t sleep with him — well, then his loss. Therefore, the last thing you should be thinking about is whether or not he respects you. In this case, you might even want to ask yourself if you even respect him?
Getting into a car and doing everything but sex is not how a man bases long term commitment. Men choose long term commitment when they’re attracted to their partner, they have fun together, she accepts him for who he is, there is a strong friendship between them and yes, he respects her.
Respect is a foundational piece of all long term relationships and from my experience, men respect women who respect themselves. A woman who respects herself focuses more on whether or not she respects him. Do his actions match his words? Does he call to plan dates? Does he respect her wishes when it comes to intercourse? A woman who respects her beliefs is always in integrity and men are very attracted to a woman who respects herself. If he doesn’t, do you really want to date that man anyway?
Men tend to respect what they earn. Getting into a car on a first date and doing everything but sex is rather easy. A man may view this woman as easy, thereby thinking she doesn't respect herself, and he calls her "low hanging fruit." The men who go after low hanging fruit do so because they are easy to bed and men rarely choose them for a long term relationship.
So here’s my take — if you're a woman who has to ask "when does a man lose respect for a woman?" chances are, he already did. Now ask, did he even respect you in the first place? If the answer is no, consider working on respecting and loving yourself more. It will make a difference for the way you view yourself, as well as the way men view you.
More dating coach advice on YourTango:
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This article was originally published at Understand Men NOw. Reprinted with permission from the author.