Maybe The Problem With Your Relationship Is In Your Glasses


Maybe The Problem With Your Relationship Is In Your Glasses

How many times have you gotten out of bad relationship and immediately started complaining about the guy?

Maybe he was a player, moving quickly from one conquest to the next, or perhaps he was emotionally distant. Even worse, maybe he was carrying more baggage than a 747 bound for Hawaii. Sometimes the dating scene feels like it’s packed with these undesirable men, and all you do is run from one bad relationship to the next.

More from YourTango: Become The Woman Men Crave

Maybe it’s not the men, though. You might want to check your glasses next time to be sure you’re getting a clear look at Mr. Wonderful before you invest too much.

The Rose Colored Glasses

Don these famous spectacles and you’ll be in for a shock later. They hide some serious character flaws that not only make your new man appear much more appealing than he actually is, but can set you up for serious heartache in the future. Here’s the truth about those trouble-hiding glasses – sooner or later, you’re going to take them off, and you may not like what you see.

Just like candlelight hides unsightly blemishes and vertical stripes and plunging necklines make fuller figures appear thinner, those rose-colored shades tend to soften less-than-desirable traits. If you suspect he’s a player, with a different girl on his arm every night of the week, putting on your magic glasses will convince you that those other women are chasing him. If you’ve started to think he’s cold and emotionally unavailable, a little rose tint will have you believing he’s more open than he really is.

Not only will these glasses hide the more serious issues your relationship might face in the future, they can even persuade you into thinking you can fix his problems. After all, with enough love and understanding, even a player can fall head over heels and give up his heartbreaking ways, right? Not likely. Take off the rose-colored specs and see your man for who he truly is – then get out before your heart is next on the chopping block.

The Foggy Lenses

Just come in from a cold relationship? Watch out for foggy eyewear, then, because they might keep you from seeing the truth about your new man. Sure, he’s outgoing, in touch with his emotions, calls his mom on her birthday, and loves kids, but something is missing, and if you’re not seeing clearly, you might mistakenly think it’s there.

More from YourTango: What’s Really Going On Inside A Man's Head?

The elusive “it”? Chemistry. That spark of excitement that lights you up when you see his number on your caller ID; the butterflies in your stomach when your hands accidentally touch as you reach for the wine at dinner. When it’s there, you know it, but if your glasses are foggy, you might think you see something you don’t. Or worse, make you think you can manufacture it.

Here’s the truth: either Chemistry exists or it doesn’t. There’s no forcing it, and a lifetime without it is destined for boredom both in and out of the bedroom. Wipe off your glasses and take a good look, and if the spark is missing, move on.


Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Jonathon Aslay

Dating Coach

Jonathon Aslay

Join my email community & receive a special report "Where To Meet Great Guys" plus a weekly tip to Understand Men Better


My New Book

"The Relationships Men Commit to and Why"  HOW MEN COMMIT

Location: Redondo Beach, CA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by Jonathon Aslay:

Become The Woman Men Crave


The minute you let go of what happened before and the expectation of what is to come, the possibilities in the moment are endless. If you can remember and live the simple sentence above, dating will almost magically become everything you ever dreamed of… and more. Men will not only flock to you, but they will crave you because you are different from ... Read more

What’s Really Going On Inside A Man's Head?


'If I was to say what is the major emotion of American masculinity, it is anxiety. Why? Because you have to prove your masculinity all the time.' — Michael Kimmel Most men on the deepest level want to be understood but they were raised to hide their feelings. "You’re weak, stop crying, you're a fag, man up, ... Read more

He Played You But You Let Him: How Men Easily String You Along


As your guy spy I am breaking one of the cardinal rules by telling you our secrets. So, have you ever put something on a string because you didn't want to lose it? This is called tethering. That's right, something you might forget but want to make sure you don't lose. Men do this all the time and it's called: Electronic Tethering (e-tethering ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Cooking Together

6 More Eco-Conscious Ideas For A Better World And A Better You

Here are six tips on how you can have sex more consciously and also be kind to the environment.

Family With 2 Young Kids

What Wise Parents Know About Raising Successful Children

What are we teaching our children when we focus on their achievements rather than their kindness?

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

"Love is the bridge between you and everything" Rumi

Love is all around us, if we allow yourselves to see it.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>