Ladies, it's time to set the record straight.
Women do a lot right in the world. However, sometimes we buy into relationship beliefs that are self-sabotaging.
Here are five big ones you need to know:
1. Words are as important as actions.
As women, we love to hear nice things. We love to talk. We value what's being said.
If you spot a behavior in your mate that annoys or disturbs you, pay attention to it rather than making excuses for it. People tell you and show you exactly who they are. "Giveaway Girls" are women who sometimes go way beyond giving their guy the benefit of the doubt. They go into denial and don’t see reality.
An extreme example might be a woman who tells herself, “He doesn’t pay child support because it's super complicated with his ex-wife’s manipulation.” When the reality is, he doesn’t pay child support because he is showing you he doesn’t take responsibility for his choices.
2. Love is all about sacrifice and giving—even if I’m the only one doing it.
Sure, relationships require some sacrifice. But unequal sacrifice equals an unhealthy relationship, and it’s a pattern that too many Giveaway Girls fall into. If you find yourself giving far more than you are getting, it's a red flag!
3. Predictability is boring.
Some Giveaway Girls think that a guy who calls when he says he is going to call, who's predictable and not full of games and drama, is a turn-off. They want danger, excitement, knock-you-off-your-feet chemistry. They want bad boys—and it almost always ends in heartache.
4. He should just know by now that I need [insert your desire here].
Some women have a strong desire for their loved one to know or sense automatically what it is they need. They want a partner who understands them and knows when they need reassurance, encouragement, even a kiss on the cheek. Some of this is natural and understandable. However, sometimes it's a matter of asking for what you need and communicating it effectively.
5. If I have to ask for what I need, it doesn’t count.
Asking for what you need from a partner with specific language and in many different ways (sometimes many times) is part of a healthy partnership. Unfortunately, Giveaway Girls tend to sacrifice their needs so often that when they know the one thing they really need so much emotional energy rides on it. So if their partner falls short, the explosion is way out of proportion with the issue at hand. "Did my partner give only because I asked? He didn’t really want to do it in the first place! It doesn’t count. It doesn’t count!"
Now's the time to catch yourself if you have any of these beliefs. A lot of this thinking isn’t your fault. It's how we're socialized, so don’t beat up on yourself. Just examine what you're doing that isn’t that helpful.
Trade up! Starting thinking a little differently. Make a few positive changes on your side with all of your relationships today.
This guest article from Psych Central was written by Cherilynn Veland, LCSW, MSW
This article was originally published at Psych Central. Reprinted with permission from the author.