This article explains how to increase your chances of creating the relationship you desire
If you really think about it there are two major decisions that most human beings will make. Almost everything that we do in our lives will be traced back to these two decisions. Want to know what they are?
Well, I’ll tell you but before I do let me ask you this. If you weren’t aware of what these two decisions were or you weren’t taught how to succeed at them, what do you think your chances would be of creating the results that you desire? Slim to none right?
Herein lies the problem. As human beings we are aware of these two major decisions but we are not taught how to succeed at them. So, it becomes glaringly obvious why most people do not experience the results they desire in one or both of these areas and as a result they go to their graves with the gnawing feeling that their life wasn’t as happy and fulfilling as it should have been.
So, what are these two major decisions? The first is what are we going to do with our lives? What is the career, calling or vocation that we are going to spend the majority of our life doing.
Unfortunately our educational system teaches us very little or nothing about succeeding at this. There is not one study that shows there is a direct correlation between a person’s GPA and the level of success in their in life.
Yes, our educational system teaches us how to be teachers, lawyers, doctors and accountants. But it teaches us very little about how to does not teach us how to succeed at these things.
If you study many of the world’s most successful people you will see that they weren’t tops in their class, they didn’t go to Harvard or Yale & in very many cases they often had very little or no college experience.
So, what does this have to do with dating?
The second major decision most of us make is who we are going to spend our lives with. A recent study showed that almost 50 percent of marriages ended up in divorce. And when the remaining 50% was polled 35% admitted that if they had to remarry their current spouse they wouldn’t.
Many of these individuals stated that they stayed in their unhappy and unfulfilling relationships for one of several reasons. It may have been financial, fear of leaving and being alone or for the sake of the kids.
Is it any wonder why so many men and women have affairs?
Much like our careers our educational system teaches us very little about how to succeed at relationships and marriage.
Including graduate school I went to school for a total of 17 years and I had one….ONE class on marriage and relationships. I went to an all-boys Catholic high school and I vaguely remember having a course taught by one of the Christian Brothers.
Now, if you wanted to be a multimillionaire would you let a homeless person teach the course? How could a Christian Brother, someone who has never been married or in a romantic relationship with a woman teach a course on marriage and relationships?
It’s no wonder I don’t remember anything from that class.
I say this only to prove a point and that point is we get no formal training or education on how to create successful, happy and fulfilling relationships.
Is it any wonder why 85 percent of those who have walked down the aisle don’t speak very highly of marriage?
After my ex-fiancé and I called off our wedding 3o days before we were to get married, I decided to take some time off. I was 30 days away from committing myself to a relationship where I was very unhappy and completely unfulfilled. Yet, I was almost willing to go thru with it.
My relationship was everything that I didn’t want, yet somehow I found myself almost going thru with it. (to hear and see my full story go here).
As a result of taking some time off I was able to see where I went wrong. I was able to see that although almost 50% of marriages failed and the majority of people who were married were unhappy and unfulfilled there were still a good number of people who were happy and fulfilled with their mates.
These individuals stated that they were more in love with each other as time went on and their lives were better because they had someone special to share their life with. They had found their soul mates and although they had their moments, when asked, these couples admitted that having their life partner enhanced their life in every way.
The more I began to observe and understand these individuals the more I saw that they had experienced heartbreak and loss, but instead of becoming bitter they used their past mistakes as learning experiences to make their marriages and relationships better.
In studying those individuals who were in happy and fulfilling relationships I discovered 5 characteristics they all shared.
I have made a list of these characteristics and if you follow and adhere to these guidelines you will greatly increase your chances of finding and having the happy and fulfilling relationship you really want.
1) Take Responsibility – many of the happily married individuals admitted that they had their heart broken and had been hurt. But instead of pointing fingers at the individuals who had hurt them they took responsibility for their choices and actions which may have played a role in what happened. Instead of wasting their energy on what happened they decided to learn from their mistakes and use the lesson as a tool to make things better the next time around
2) Have a Clear Goal – Many of these individuals admitted that one of the biggest reasons for the success of their relationship was because they were crystal clear on what they were looking for from their potential mates. These individuals often admitted that they had to walk away from good relationships because they knew the person they were with was not the right person for them.
One flection many of these individuals admitted that had they not been clear on what they need to be happy and fulfilled it would have been much more difficult for them to recognize the right person when they came along.
In fact, many of these individuals admitted that the biggest mistake they had made in their previous relationships was jumping into a relationship too quickly. Had they taken their time and gotten to know the person a little better they would have seen that the person might have been a good person, but they weren’t good for them.
3) Take “Right” Action – one of the best ways to create results is to make choices and decisions which are consistent with the results one desires.
If you want to lose weight than you have to make choices which are in alignment with losing weight
If you want to have a great relationship than you must take action and make choices which are in alignment with what it is you say you desire. This is probably the hardest of the 5 steps.
As Human beings our emotions often take over and cause us to make choices and decisions which bring us short term pleasure but long term pain.
This is why being clear on the end goal and destination is so important. If you know specifically what you want or are looking for from a relationship or a man it becomes much easier to identify if you are having your needs met or not.
4) Expect to Make Mistakes and Learn from Them – Very often in life we want things to work out perfectly and when they don’t our emotions take control and we throw pity parties for ourselves. Those individuals who had happy and fulfilling relationships very readily admitted that the mistakes they often made in their previous relationships were integral pieces in their creating the relationship of their dreams. In fact many of these individuals looked at these incidents not as mistakes but as expensive learning experiences.
I discovered that these individuals had an amazing ability to separate their emotions from their reality. As a result they were able to look at their mistakes objectively to see what they had to do differently the next time.
5) Have a mentor/coach – As a said previously if you wanted to become wealthy you wouldn’t learn from the homeless guy sleeping on the park bench. Well, many of the individuals who were in great relationships admitted that they often had someone that they could learn from.
Very often these individuals admitted that they had someone that they could model or someone they could turn to for advice and support.
One of the things I have notices is that as human beings our desire to love and be loved is so strong that we often make choices which we know aren’t in our best long term interest.
We become masters at rationalizing and justifying so we can try to make the square peg relationship fit into the round hole.
But no matter how much we try, even if it does fit, it isn’t a good fit and the end result does not produce the desired result.
Individuals who have happy and fulfilling relationship often admit that they have someone to hold them accountable when their actions aren’t in alignment with their goals and destinations.
The whole process of dating and building a relationship is such an emotional one that very often we let our emotions get in the way of what it is we really desire.
The good news is that there are lots of individuals who are in happy and fulfilling relationships. So why aren’t we focusing on and learning from them.
Why when it comes to dating and relationships do we continue to look at the glass as half empty? There are many reasons for that (which I will discuss in next week’s article). But the good news is if there is one person who is succeeding at something, you can to.
No matter what you currently think about men and relationships and no matter how much your past has not worked out the way you had expected. The relationship you desire can be right around the corner. If you follow the above guidelines you will greatly increase your chances, not only of it happening but that you have a lot more fun in creating it.
If you currently are struggling with your dating and realtionships and you would like to find out if there are some things which you can do to improve your odds of creating the results you desire I would like to offer you a Free 45 Minute 1-on-1 phone consultation. To take advantage of this incredible send me an e-mail at email@example.com