Why The Phrase 'Losing Your Virginity' Doesn't Make Sense


A woman's choice to enjoy physical love shouldn't be considered a loss.

I decided to ask my female friends how they would define what it means for a woman to "lose her virginity." Most of them gave a similar definition along the lines of "Well, it is when a woman has sex and is penetrated for the first time by a man's penis." And, of course I would follow up with the most obvious question, which is, so what is actually "lost" when that happens? 

Here's the Latin definition; in Latin, "virgo" means unmarried, while "virgo intacta" refers to the lack of sexual experience. Today, the word "virgin" simply carries the latter meaning.

So, lack of sexual experience is something to keep "intact?" So let me get this straight, she "fails" by making love? She is "dirty" by making love? She is "impure" by making love? If a woman expresses her physical love, she loses a part of her worth and intrinsic value as a woman. What a way to teach women not to express their physical love! Let's fess up about our twisted modern day culture. We have put a ceiling on a women's expression of love by teaching her that she would somehow be impure if she had sex with her lover.

What does the world get by stopping women from expressing their physical love? Well, the world gains nothing in the long run. But, in the short run, you steal her power. Why? Because when a women opens up to the pleasure in her body, she is allowing her life force and subsequent empowerment to flow through her body. And, when a women is empowered, she has her strength, boundaries, wisdom and independence. Perhaps that was inconvenient for a few people way back when.

Let's clear the shame out of our women and reflect upon this wonderful description of the word "Virginal" from Nancy Qualls-Corbett's book, The Sacred Prostitute: The virginal attribute of the goddess (Aphrodite in this case) simply means she belongs to no man; rather she belongs to herself. She is not seen as a counterpart to other gods or as the feminine version of a god. Although she may be married, her husband is viewed as a consort.  Her wifeliness does not alter her own attributes or lend her special status. The goddess of love exists in her own right, as "one- in-herself" (11). She is true to her own nature and instinct. One speaks of a virgin forest, which is free and unconstrained, pregnant with life in accordance with the laws of nature. It is untrammeled and untouched by man, or, we could say, the laws of man (12). Likewise, the goddess of love behaved in accordance to her own divine laws of nature, free and unfettered by manmade laws.

And if there are to be stipulations on love and sex, let them be these:

  1. Let your integrity of your heart guide you into healthy circumstances for making love.
  2. Always handle yourself with care because you are sacred. You have a beautiful heart, and the beautiful temple of your body helps you express your sacred heart.
  3. Learn to embody the rapture of heaven whether you are with a lover or not. The combination of your love, joy and pleasure is the wind carrying you to your empowerment and the divine.
  4. Your love making is a divine blessing. Nothing is more pure, sacred and holy than the fullest bodily expression of a woman's heart.
  5. You can't lose your virginal attributes. No one, absolutely no one, can take away your inner beauty, innocence, light and love.  Your heart and the temple of your body will remain sacred through all of time.  There will always be an endless wellspring of eternal divine love flowing through you.

Let us embrace the broader meaning of the word virgin, which is about being whole in oneself and having a bright light within that forever will maintain the purity of its own sacredness and beauty, no matter what happens in the outer world in relation to touch, sex, love and marriage. If you would like to learn more about the Divine Feminine and a get a few secrets for embodying the rapture of heaven, please visit my website: www.DivineLifeActivations.com and go to my recent blog post entitled, Embodying The Rapture Of Heaven—3 Meditations.


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