Struggling to decide when to take the next step? Jill Jackson can help.
As a matchmaker, I'm constantly asked, "When is it too early to have sex with someone I like?"
I hate this question because there is no right answer. A survey was recently done at whatsyourprice.com, a new online dating site, and showed that 77% of women said they considered sex appropriate after the fifth date, whereas 69% of men said after the second date.
They use the word "appropriate" and I can tell you that what might be appropriate for 77% of women on a dating site named "whatsyourprice" might not be appropriate for the general population.
The study goes on to state in black and white what most dating coaches and mothers will tell you ... if you sleep with a man on the first date there is little chance for a real relationship. Basically, men don't want what (they perceive) everyone can get.
Personally, I'm a fan of doing what feels right. I won't judge, and I refuse to let others judge the sexual actions of men or women regarding what they do in the bedroom (or minivan, living room coach or elevator). I've known couples to get down on date one and walk down the aisle a year later. Unfortunately, that story is few and far between, as I normally see relationships not even have a chance to start as it got too hot and heavy on date number one.
Professionally, for most people, I believe that something as intimate and important as sex should be enjoyed and enjoyed often when involved in a committed relationship. Statistics will show that when a woman feels secure and loved, while being involved in a committed relationship, her sexual response and enjoyment is heightened.
Sex can bring a lot of unknowns into relationships and while enjoying a steamy encounter after a date or two can be hot, it's typically more comfortable for both parties when a mutual respect is already in place and discussions such as STDs and birth control has taken place.
Getting back to the question of when you should have sex, I'll professionally state that an appropriate number of dates before you "get down" are whatever number of dates you feel comfortable doing it. For most people, and if I have to give a number, it is somewhere between six and ten dates.
Once you've committed to your partner (which typically happens around date six or ten) and are feeling comfortable with him, and if you're comfortable and excited to partake in sexual relations with him ... go for it!
More sex advice from YourTango:
- 17 Sex Positions Men Love MOST
- Sex Video: Can A Couple Be Happy Without Sex?
- How Do You Keep Sex Fresh?