The following is part of an excerpt from the new book, You Lost him at Hello: From dating to “I Do” – secret strategies from one of America’s top dating coaches (HCI, 2013), by Jess McCann
Mallory and Megan are best friends. When they both turned twenty-nine they suddenly began to worry about whether or not they were ever going to get married, so they did what a lot of women nearing thirty do these days: They consulted a dating coach. I was the lucky one who popped up in their Google search, and was subsequently tasked with figuring out why love had alluded them both thus far. They wanted to find the right guy and get married, but neither of them were meeting anyone of interest, and the few men they did find intriguing only took them on a few dates before abruptly announcing they weren’t looking for a commitment.
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Since Mallory and Megan were having trouble dating right out of the gate, I knew that something about their prospecting method (I term I use for how you go about meeting new people) was off. They are both smart, attractive girls who went out quite a bit and maintained online profiles, so theoretically they should have been asked out on quite a few dates. In order to find the root of the problem I decided to shadow them out the town to see what I could see.
On the night we got together I expected to sit at the bar for a few hours watching the girls while nursing a soda disguised as a rum and coke. But before I could even dress up my drink with a lime wedge, the girls announced they were ready to move on to someplace else. In a span of just forty minutes, we covered three restaurant bars. At each establishment Megan and Mallory walked in, took one lap around the place, and announced to each other, “There is no one good here. Let’s try somewhere else.” At each location they surveyed the crowd for someone to start a conversation with, and quickly assessed that no one was worth their time. If their “Mr. Right” had been out that night, he never stood a chance.
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What Are You Looking For?
Most women have a type they like physically. Maybe it’s a guy who is over six feet or hair that is dark and wavy. There is nothing wrong with knowing what you like aesthetically, but when you only judge men on their outward appearance, you are superficially looking for a mate and giving top priority qualities that actually won’t matter in the long run. When you decide that you don’t want to even have a conversation with someone based on something external, you are making a prejudgment that the person isn’t right for you.