...That You Won't!
We are the ones holding tight to our man’s hands, or flashing our wedding bands/engagement rings as we pass. Yes, everyone knows that we are involved and that someone loves us. That’s not even to question. We are in relationships with good men, and we are proud of them! We have so much for which to be thankful, yet we are becoming more and more lackadaisical—lazy! We are all too comfortable wearing his pajamas and t-shirts on Thursdays, laying on the couch all day on Fridays, going straight to sleep at night on Saturdays, and wearing our head scarf ALL day on Sundays. I hate to outwardly admit this, but we are slipping, Ladies! Doing my typical ‘people watching’ while out and about, I’m noticing that [dating and married women] have reverted more than ever to wearing ponytails, sweat pants, over sized t-shirts, and sneakers! I know, I know—I hear you saying, “But we are busy, and he needs to just love me for who I am.” Who are you telling? I am the queen of busy, and I too believe that he should love me for who I am. But, these can’t be our only excuses! Every single time that we begin to be lazy in taking care of who we are and our relationship, we are slowly massacring the woman with whom he originally fell in love. We are giving our men the old switch-a-roo and are shocked and appalled when he has the nerve to drool anytime he sees a cute single girl smile his way!
What happened to us? We pulled out all stops in order to get his attention. And, now that we have him, we are taking him for granted. As if Halle Berry and Beyonce weren’t enough to worry about, every single day we have a more realistic challenge to contend with—the anxious single woman! She’s not your everyday single woman. Let me REPEAT: SHE'S NOT YOUR EVERYDAY SINGLE WOMAN (so this is in no offense to you beautiful, bold, and lovely single ladies out there). The anxious single woman is the one that is on the PROWL. She’s not just looking for a man…she’s specifically looking for yours—the good man! And since it’s all about her, she has no qualms regarding your feelings and she doesn't mind being the mistress--momentarily. She’s on the move, and she’s doing everything right! The ironic thing is that she is not getting his attention by doing anything that you can’t do—she’s simply doing what you have stopped doing. And, that’s what makes it even worse! Do you even know what these women are capable of? If you don’t, allow me to explain. Below, are the five most common things the anxious single woman will do for your man that you won’t!
She’ll stay in shape. Let’s just get right to it. You’ve put on some pounds. You’ve noticed, and even your girlfriends have noticed. Do you really believe that he hasn’t? And each time you ask him, “Honey, does this make me look fat?” I’m certain you already know what he really wants to say. But, because he loves you, he’s willing to say what he feels you need to hear. You haven’t been to the gym in years because you don’t have time, yet you are at Starbucks everyday getting your bagel and your iced white chocolate mocha. Something is a little unbalanced here. Aim at learning from the anxious single woman! Whether she is working out to meet someone at the gym, attract someone new, or to have something to do in her spare time, it doesn’t matter. Her butt is in the gym—literally. She’s working out with friends; she’s paired up with her trainer; or she’s going at it alone. She knows that she needs to keep it together in order to keep her pool of potential mates interested.
She’ll flirt with him. Remember those days? Remember the energy that you and your man felt for each other? No one had to tell you that he was in to you because you could feel it. The manner to which you would flirt with him was out of this world. Every time he was near, you would giggle at his jokes, touch his arm or leg while laughing, and always smile in his direction. You couldn’t get your eyes off of him, and he knew it, too. Well, the anxious, single woman knows just how attention deprived your man is and she’s waiting with arms wide open. She’s giggling and joking with him at work. She’s picking on him and gently touching his arm when he makes her laugh. She knows what he’s missing and she’s not holding anything back.
She’ll be very sexual in the bedroom. This woman will have your man climbing the walls. There are few things that she won’t do now that she has his attention—let alone, when she has him to herself. She wants to know his fantasies in order to become one of them. Her goal is to ensure that he is dreaming of her while lying in bed with you at night. She’s the one who is so grateful that your man has stopped in to visit her that she’s willing to do whatever it may be to keep him there for as long as possible. She craves your man (or at least makes him believe that she has a craving for him every single time he’s in her presence). Remember when you used to do those things?
She will keep up her appearance. Every time that your man sees her she’ll make it a point—to be on point. She always has her bi-weekly manicure/pedicure, weekly hair appointment. She wears the cutest suits to work and dresses for dinner. She’s really trying to impress someone, right? She’s trying to impress your man. This girl really takes care of herself. She loves doing it. She recognizes that the better she feels about herself, the better she can make others around her feel.
She shows her representative. Yes, you know the one. She’s always on her best behavior. She loves sports, sleeping in the finest lingerie, cooking the best meals, and wearing stilettos to the movies. She knows just how visual your man is, and she is tantalizing all of his senses. And, she’s not stopping. You won’t do it…but she will do it. In the meantime, you are at the mall in your ponytail, sneakers, and oversized t-shirt. Enough said…
She still remembers who she is. Although the anxious single woman really wants to be involved with your man, she still doesn’t lose herself in him. She loves to travel (so she does); enjoys going out with her girlfriends (so she does); and she is intent on making a lot of money (so she does). Even though your man could potentially become a part of her life, he is not the be all and end all. She still recognizes who she is in the midst of what she has going on in her relationships, and she doesn’t change simply because someone has started paying her some attention. And even if he stopped paying her attention, she’d simply move on. The anxious single woman knows that there are many, many other men—just like your man who are waiting to be taken.
As harsh as these things sound, it happens every single day. I am a firm believer that infidelity doesn’t oftentimes happen overnight, but it does happen. These anxious, single women are taking our men by storm, and we are all simply sitting back and watching it happen. The ironic part is that they are doing those things that you used to do in order to get his attention in the first place. Yet, you want to place all of the blame on your man for falling for her. It’s time to take the power back from them. It’s time to set an example to the anxious single woman that you are not one to contend with. You too can take this power back with one little secret—do the same thing. Go ahead. Give it a try. You already have two major advantages: (1) love and (2) the fact that the two of you have been together for some time.
You can easily rekindle the spark in your relationship by simply doing what you used to do that ignited the spark. You don’t have to do it all overnight. Heavens, he may start to think that you are a crazy woman if you do that. But, gradually get back in to really paying attention to how you present yourself to him, what you are wearing, how you smell, how often you wash your hair, etc. If you know that you’ve gotten out of shape, simply find a new and exciting gym class to join. The two of you may even find excitement in joining a gym or taking long walks or jogs each day. Show him a nicer you. If all he’s seen over the last few weeks has been the mean side of you, try showing him a new side. Who cares that the two of you are still in the midst of a silly argument. Try to take an interest in something that he loves—sports, video games, or playing with his dogs. You might find that you have a genuine interest in whatever it is after long. And, remember—once you get back to whom your man first fell in love with, and that anxious single woman floats by, your man will be so into you, hook, line, and sinker, that he will not be hungry for her bait. And, that’s just the way you like it—right? Right.