Why You Judge Your Partner & How To Stop It

By

how to stop judging your partner
Your partner is your mirror. You judge things about him that you see in yourself.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." — Mother Teresa

"Negative judgments about others are unnecessary. We are all on our own journey and have our own lessons to learn." — Janet Ong Zimmerman

 

In the early stages of a relationship, it's easy to "fall in love" with your partner because he behaves and acts in ways that please you. He's most likely on his best behavior and showing his good side. As your relationship progresses though, you'll experience his other sides: quirky traits, behaviors, and actions that you wish were different. What was once endearing can become annoying or frustrating, which may lead to judgmental thoughts. 

Why We Judge Our Partners

Judging your partner negatively doesn't mean you're consciously trying to find fault with him. It just means you're being human. As a human being, you're hard-wired to judge others who you perceive to be different from you. So when your partner behaves differently from you, your judgmental nature may surface in many unsuspecting ways. Maybe you compare your husband or boyfriend unfavorably to other men, thinking you know better than him, trying to change him and not accepting him for who he is.

When you find yourself unintentionally judging your partner, you may notice that you don't feel as close or connected to him as you would like. This is because judging creates separation. The lesson here is to be aware of unsuspecting ways you're judging so that you judge less and are more accepting, compassionate and loving. 

5 Ways To Stop Judging Our Partners

1. Realize everyone is doing their best. I believe that everyone is doing their best based on their life experiences and where they are in their life's journey. Most people would not consciously choose to do their worst. Even though it may not appear to be so, your partner is doing his best. Adopting this mindset will help open up the space in your mind to accept him. Keep reading...

More love advice from YourTango:

Article contributed by

Janet Ong Zimmerman

Relationship Coach

Dating and Relationship Coach for Successful Women

Co-Author of International Best Seller "Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life"

Having a hard time finding success in love?  Take the Love Indicator Assessment. You'll receive a free 6-page report showing where you're at with love, the reasons you haven't found it yet and what you can do to immediately improve your love life.

For more dating and relationship support, join Love for Successful Women's Google Plus Community.

Ready for love?  Contact Janet at janet@loveforsuccessfulwomen.com or 949-278-4792.

Location: Irvine, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Janet Ong Zimmerman:

Why Loving A Man Unconditionally Makes You Downright MISERABLE

By

Giving unconditional love in your life means loving without conditions, boundaries—loving someone as they are. This kind of love seems ideal, but in reality ... dating and relationships are actually full of conditions.  These conditions manifest around us every day: If I do this, then he will like me more. I'll wait for him to call me first. ... Read more

Why You Should Never Settle For Less Than You Deserve

By

For some reason, people usually think that the older they get, the less chances there are for them to find their love. We're here to tell you that this couldn't be further from the truth! It doesn't matter if you've hit the 30, 40, or 50 benchmark; when it really comes down to it, rushing into dating someone just for the sake of having boyfriend ... Read more

Is Your 'Independent Woman' Attitude Holding You Back From Love?

By

While we perceive strong, independent and ambitious women as not needing a man, many women like this DO find love and get married. When Amal Alamuddin—a powerful, strong and internationally recognized woman—married George Clooney, you might have thought she just got lucky ... or were you wondering, "Will I find true love"? If ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular