OH my GOD! I did THAT???? She wailed into the phone at me. Yup. Ya did. You REWARDED BAD BEHAVIOR in an attempt to "fix" it. He behaved like a real jerk - a drunken jerk (not to be confused with the wonderful Jamaican dish drunken jerk chicken). But, if he was drunk, is he still responsible for saying all those horrid things? YOU BETCHA. Hunh?
He called her every name in the book, stormed and stomped around like a 2 year old, had a tantrum and all because of? She didn't do something EXACTLY like he wanted. Well (to quote a favorite line from Jerry MacGuire) BOO F***ING HOO. But, he took it out on her. Oh, yea, he "punished" her all right. He went out and got so intoxicated that he had to have a ride home. And when he got home - it was amazing. He ranted and he raved. He swore like a sailor to her. This was his tantrum.
And, what did she do? Well, you can figure it out. Yup. She REWARDED that behavior with sex.
You certainly don't "punish" with "punishment" - but, you can stand in a space of power by not participating in the rant and rave. Quietly go away. I don't care how mad you are, it doesn't matter if you have things YOU want to say - save it. Go away. Go sleep in the guest room.If you have to, go sleep in the car. The point is DO NOT PARTICIPATE. Wait until the morning when he's sober. THEN you have the opportunity to discuss his rant in an adult manner.
And, most of all - you do NOT reward bad behavior. All that does is reinforce that it will happen again. Why? Because HE CAN. Or, can he?
It's up to you.
PS: I certainly don't mean for this to be gender-specific, my apologies.