Is sexual liberation working against us?
Are you looking for true love?
If the answer is yes, but you’re having casual sex with one or more partners, you have a choice to make: carry on having casual sex or focus on finding true love?
This isn’t about being a virgin bride, nor is it about any moral questions surrounding sex outside of marriage, women’s rights or sexual freedom. Rather, it’s an honest review of casual sex for women in the 21st century and it’s impact on her search for true love.
Let’s assume you’re reading this because you’re looking for true love — GREAT!
But, what if you like sex and don’t see why this should prevent you from finding true love?
The reality is that sexual freedom has backfired for many women. A recent report suggests that 1 in 5 women born in 1969 are childless today compared to 1 in 9 born in 1942.
Of the women polled, around 80 percent were not childless by choice or medical reason, but due to circumstances. They wanted true love, marriage and children, but the opportunity had passed them by.
If you want true love, don't let the same happen to you. Here are three lies about casual sex you need to stop believing immediately:
1. All single men have a ton of casual sex
According to popular belief, men are pretty much sex machines who can’t get enough of it. They’re so addicted to it that men think about sex every seven seconds (so they must also be doing it A LOT).
In truth, the Kinsey Institute Research (to which the statistics usually refer) found that only 43 percent of men said they thought about sex a few times per week or a few times per month, compared to 67 percent of women. And another report showed an average of 50 percent of men aged 18 to 29 had not had sex within the previous 12 months.
So, wait a little longer before having sex for the first time with a new partner. There’s no reason to rush in to sex because he most likely hasn’t had sex for a while either. The wait will help create greater connection and men connect better with women who don’t have sex right away, read on to find out why.
2. Casual sex helps you connect with a man you like
Men like sex, so the best way to connect and help him fall in love with you is by having amazing sex together. The more amazing the sex with you is, the more likely he'll want you over every other woman.
Nope. This one is a lie, too. It's actually women who feel connected after sex (whereas men connect by learning more about you and how to make you happy). When a woman orgasms, the hormones released (in particular oxytocin) create a feeling of connection and thus love. Oxytocin releases in higher quantities for women than men. It doesn’t matter if it’s a one-night stand or a long-term relationship, a woman often has the same biological response. This makes it very difficult, if not impossible, for women to have casual sex without any emotional attachment flowing from it.
Men, however, release a higher level of dopamine. Dopamine is said to create the same feeling as cocaine, which partly explains why men might want more sex — his body’s ‘addictive’ reaction to the dopamine.
So, connect with your man in ways that work for him (i.e. allow him to make you happy, laugh with him, relax together).
3. Having multiple partners helps you identify "The One"
You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, or so the saying goes. This myth tells us that if you only ‘try’ a few men, you won’t know if you’ve found "The One".
But in reality, the odds of finding true love through a number of casual or short-term sexual partners are slim. As noted above, the majority of men aren’t having much sex at all. And the only men having lots of casual sex are those NOT looking for true love (at least not with the women they’re having casual sex with). These men are happily exploring the free-flowing river of booty that’s only ever a "What ya doin'? Let's Netflix and chill" text message away.
Casual sex hinders the process of finding true love because it keeps you addicted to the sex that blurs your emotional response. You stop spotting great guys truly ready for commitment because your energy is divided and your vision blurred. The kind of men who want to settle down will not feel interested in you if they think you aren’t ready or willing to commit.
My hard and fast rule here is — Don't have sex on a first date, no matter how much you want to. If you do, you're telling the guy you're more interested in sex than building a relationship. The wrong men will love it, but the right men will walk away.
The right man doesn't need you to rush things, he wants to get to know who you are first so he can feel relaxed and confident with you.
It’s a funny turn of events, isn’t it? Women have now become the men they didn’t want to date and they're struggling to understand why so many men don't want to date them.