It's an all-too-common scenario. There you are, still reeling from your whirlwind romance and even more whirlwind wedding planning. The invitations have long been sent out, travel plans made, cake ordered, non-refundable deposits deposited ... when suddenly, you have this nagging, gut feeling that it's just not the right thing to do. Something is telling you to call off the wedding. But is it simply cold feet? Or is it something more?
Most engaged couples experience some level of nervousness and last-minute questioning about whether or not it's right, whether or not he's the one, whether or not you both have what it takes to be in it for the long haul. Just because you have cold feet is not a good enough reason to call off the wedding — but the following reasons are:
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1. You're hoping he'll change. You already know you don't share the same values but you think he'll "come around" once you're hitched. Maybe he wants to keep partying with the old gang and you're ready for the white picket fence. Or you see onesies and flushable diapers in your future and he doesn't want to have kids.
Even when you want the same things, marriage is a rough road, fraught with the ups and downs and curve balls that you're just not expecting. But if you're going into it thinking "opposites attract," "we'll work it out," "he'll settle down once we're married," well, you're definitely in for more downs than ups.
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2. You need counseling before you're married. Let's face it, you're not even in the "honeymoon period" yet, which is purportedly utter bliss. If your relationship is on the rocks before the big day, plan on the very likely fact it will just get worse once the vows are exchanged.
Planning a wedding is stressful and there are bound to be disagreements but if you can't work through conflicts in a reasonable fashion now, how do you think you'll be able to work through them when you're facing the difficult challenges of running a household, raising a family, building a life? If you're expecting your irreconcilable differences to magically disappear once you're married, you're living in a world of illusion.
3. You haven't discussed the details yet. Many people think talking too much about the future is just so, well, unromantic. They're afraid of putting a damper on the excitement and losing the abdominal butterflies. But the reality is that more couples split due to issues over children — not just whether or not you want any (that one is usually covered) — but how will you raise them? Public school, Private school, homeschool? Heavy handed or gentle?
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And then there are the career questions — will you move for each other? Does following your passion and living your dreams trump a high salary and the lifestyle that comes with it? These are all questions that need to be answered and if you don't know the answers yet, then you had better find them out before you answer "I do". Keep reading ...
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