Set aside some time for yourself in the next few days where you know you won’t be disturbed by anyone or anything for a few hours. Take a notepad and pen with you. Take these instructions with you, too. Prepare a little spot that makes you feel happy. Make sure it's neat and clean and you feel comfortable and secure. It could even be outdoors if you love nature.
Pick a truly favorite spot because you will want to come here again and again when you need to sort out any type of problem. This is your special place. It’s a place you can go to be with yourself to work out important matters. You know no one will disturb you here. Maybe it’s your car overlooking a beautiful scene. Make it really special. Make it yours.
Don’t Skip This Preparation
Once you’re there, close your eyes. Breathe deeply while you settle in. Completely separate yourself from every problem that could be on your mind right now. Tell yourself you can go back to each problem when you leave your spot if you want to pick it up again. These things will wait.
Resolve not to do anything else until you are totally relaxed and you realize that everything in this moment, right now, is fine. You are okay. If this takes 30 minutes or an hour, don't do anything else until you understand that this is true for yourself.
If your mind wanders, bring it back to this single purpose. You only have to be concerned about this particular moment. Say this affirmation out loud to yourself, “Everything in this moment, right now, is fine. I am okay.” Repeat it slowly as many times as you need to until it really sinks in. Then gently whisper it to yourself several times. Then say it mentally only until you really feel it. You must be in the right place in your mind before you continue with what I am about to suggest.
Do the Rest with Care
Now open your eyes slowly, and with a lot of thought, make a list of everything you want in a true relationship (not with someone you know at the moment…forget about any particular person...but with "a" relationship that will make you truly happy for the rest of your life). What would feel good to you? What do you deserve? What do you want?
Make this a long list. Make sure to include not just surface things like how you want him to look or what he should own or do for a living, but things that include how he should treat you—how you should interact with each other—what his values are—how you should feel when you are with him—how he should treat other people—how others should view him.
Make your list real and detailed—very complete. Allow yourself to dream without a thought of whether any one thing on your list is possible or not. Make it a stretch. What do you truly want? What do you truly deserve? Remember—this is your life. It’s that important.
You can always add to this list later as you think of new things. Make sure you do add to it! It’s important to your future.
When you are finished with today's session, resolve to make this list your special requirements list for your special relationship—your guide to true love. You can name your list if you wish. Post it where you will see it often. Make a few copies and carry one with you. Treat it like gold because it is.
How to Use Your List
Your job now is to commit to this list and not to let yourself give up on it. It’s a lifelong commitment to help you choose the right mate. It is a declaration of what you want, need and deserve. Be sure to go back to read it again and again and put it into action when you are not sure you have found the right one for you. Renew your commitment to this guide if you are not happy with something in your relationship that is out of place.
If you are feeling insecure in a relationship—if you are unable to communicate your feelings with your partner and work on issues together to resolve them—if it’s not a give and take—if there is no honesty—it’s time to look for solutions.
If these things keep showing up in different relationships, you’ll need to take a close look at yourself to find your issues and work on them. Why are you choosing the way you do? Do you have a feeling of lack in yourself? Do you have a distorted picture of what love is? Are you hanging onto relationships that are bad for you? Are you looking in the wrong places for a partner?
You deserve the things on your list, you want these things, and you will not settle for someone who does not match most of the things on this list the majority of the time. Remember that no one is perfect including you—it’s not fair to demand perfection unless you can give it back. But also remember that you get to choose what you need and want in your mate.
Tell yourself (and mean it) that you will never settle for someone who does not respect and love you for who you are. And you will strive to do the same for your partner.
Finding true love can take a lot of patience. It may not arrive when you have it on your schedule. But a ticking clock is never a good reason to settle for less than you deserve and need. If you choose the right mate, you will grow together until the end of time. It will be worth the wait and in the meantime, you will get to know yourself and grow immensely, in preparation for the right relationship.