How To Get Over 'This Guy' You're Obsessed With

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How To Get Over 'This Guy' You're Obsessed With
Racking your brain trying to figure him out? Here's a better idea.

This guy, this guy, this guy. Many women tell me about this guy. I say, I understand, are you dating anyone else? You answer no. "This guy, this guy, I'm obsessed with this guy." If you are saying this, odds are you are prematurely bonded to this guy, meaning you had sex with this guy before you found out what this guy is like. Now your conversations are all about this guy. 

Are you a serial monogamist? Do you not date for a while then suddenly meet someone, have sex, and find yourself in a relationship? Don't do that. Date people. In fact, you should date three people. One is serial monogamy. Two is either or. Three is diversity. Give yourself a chance of not being swamped by not having sex right away. Just date people.

 

Often high intensity chemistry in the beginning doesn't last because you can't maintain the pace and the charm wears off. Be yourself, feel good, energized, and happy. Good chemistry is fun, uplifting, and keeps a smile on your face. Laughter has the most enduring charm. It stays with you a lifetime. Laughter makes for the best chemistry while steamy, sexy charm often wears off.

The reason people often go with people they have high chemistry for is they have a lesson to learn. A love yourself lesson. People who love themselves are not looking for an out of body experience they are looking to build a real life with someone. Ideally you are with someone, you have chemistry, you can still be yourself with. The minute you lose that, you have an addiction. You become obsessed with this guy.

In relationships most of us catch on fire or are waiting to catch on fire. The challenge is these fires are unpredictable and often go out fast or burn your house down. Building a fire takes more time however, it's built to last. It has ingredients: paper to catch, kindle to ignite, and wood to maintain the warmth and the flame. Men fall in love to the amount and degree they do things for you. If a man offers to do something for you this is the beginning of a relationship.

Remember: love is foundational sex is spontaneous. It's the difference between chemistry and commitment.  Anybody can stumble their way into chemistry. Only people who want to take the time to build have commitments.

Much love,
James

P.S. Find out about chemistry and commitment for love.

More dating advice from Yourtango:

This article was originally published at James Allen Hanrahan . Reprinted with permission.
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James Allen Hanrahan

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I work with professional Alpha women and the men who love them. Smart, successful people with an on going war between their head and their heart which makes it difficult to have lasting, loving relationships. Welcome.

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Thank you James!
I just went out with a guy who is just the way you described it (feminine energy man), and was such a turn off! He started as a ten and as you mentioned, he did not give me any material, nor protected me (he actually crashed his bike against mine and I fell off the ground), and he cares about his feelings, not mine. So even though he seems like an amazing guy (in so many other areas), all these things put together were such a turnoff! And he keeps himself poor! Jees...Thank you for putting it in such a clean cut way!

 Do you give too much?  Do you have trouble receiving? When you understand what to say and how to say it to a man you will attract and keep the man you want to be with for the rest of your life. Having been alone for many years I know how painful and frustrating it can be not to know why or what to do or say. 

However as a result of what I want to share with you I'm now happily married. It's been a long journey and I want the same for you because in the end love is all that matters. It's possible and you deserve to be loved for who you are inside. Contact me and find your way back to love from the "Inside out Outside in"..

Much love,

James

 

 

Location: Santa Monica, CA
Credentials: Other
Specialties: Dating/Being Single Support
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