Racking your brain trying to figure him out? Here's a better idea.
This guy, this guy, this guy. Many women tell me about this guy. I say, I understand, are you dating anyone else? You answer no. "This guy, this guy, I'm obsessed with this guy." If you are saying this, odds are you are prematurely bonded to this guy, meaning you had sex with this guy before you found out what this guy is like. Now your conversations are all about this guy.
Are you a serial monogamist? Do you not date for a while then suddenly meet someone, have sex, and find yourself in a relationship? Don't do that. Date people. In fact, you should date three people. One is serial monogamy. Two is either or. Three is diversity. Give yourself a chance of not being swamped by not having sex right away. Just date people.
Often high intensity chemistry in the beginning doesn't last because you can't maintain the pace and the charm wears off. Be yourself, feel good, energized, and happy. Good chemistry is fun, uplifting, and keeps a smile on your face. Laughter has the most enduring charm. It stays with you a lifetime. Laughter makes for the best chemistry while steamy, sexy charm often wears off.
The reason people often go with people they have high chemistry for is they have a lesson to learn. A love yourself lesson. People who love themselves are not looking for an out of body experience they are looking to build a real life with someone. Ideally you are with someone, you have chemistry, you can still be yourself with. The minute you lose that, you have an addiction. You become obsessed with this guy.
In relationships most of us catch on fire or are waiting to catch on fire. The challenge is these fires are unpredictable and often go out fast or burn your house down. Building a fire takes more time however, it's built to last. It has ingredients: paper to catch, kindle to ignite, and wood to maintain the warmth and the flame. Men fall in love to the amount and degree they do things for you. If a man offers to do something for you this is the beginning of a relationship.
Remember: love is foundational sex is spontaneous. It's the difference between chemistry and commitment. Anybody can stumble their way into chemistry. Only people who want to take the time to build have commitments.
P.S. Find out about chemistry and commitment for love.
More dating advice from Yourtango:
- 25 Date Night Ideas That Aren't Cheesy
- 10 Dating Tips I Wish I'd Followed While I Was Single
- 8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know
This article was originally published at James Allen Hanrahan . Reprinted with permission from the author.