Simple techniques to help you find love with your computer.
Things can be tough if you're a female over forty and trying to find love. Statistically, your pool of great available men is shrinking. There's a number of reasons for this, from higher rates of male homosexuality to the fact that men die younger than women ... and all the reasons inbetween (like men dating younger women), that we don't like to discuss. It can feel frustrating, but amazing men are out there! Dating online is a great way to level the playing field and jump ahead. Why? Because statistically, you move back into favorable territory.
Most women do a very poor job of dating online. Women make the following three mistakes over and over again:
- They're nit-picky about the wrong things on men's profiles;
- they're portraying themselves incorrectly on their own profile;
- and they're giving up way too easily!
So, what should you be picky about while evaluating a man's profile?
- Check the important things like age, life stage, child compatibilities, religion, location and core values. Men are often not open about their occupation or income because they're just as uncomfortable about being chosen for those reasons as you are about being picked out on account of your bra size.
- Try to remain reasonably open when it comes to grammar and spelling, because you aren't hiring him to do your written correspondance for you.
- Also, be open about height, appearance (men are bad about posting decent photos), education (think Bill Gates) and what you believe their profile "implies." Men aren't subtle. They typically say it how it is. Read their profiles at face value, nothing more. Then, give them a chance in person.
Through the communication stage, remain true to your gut feelings as it pertains to safety and red flag behaviors. Excessive anger, whining or complaining (negativity) in emails is a bad sign. Keep yourself in check with that also. I recommend three emails and one phone call before setting up that first date.
As it pertains to your own profile, your number one investment should be professional dating photos, not a professional headshot. I can give you a litany of photo dos and don'ts through my coaching service. Trust me, that there's nothing more important than putting your personal, honest, best foot forward in your photographs. You must have one full body shot on your profile, or he'll click right by you. What's Your Attachment Style?
When you write your profile, the goal is to tell a story about yourself. Ask people close to you for their favorite stories about you or their favorite things about you that are quirky and just make you you! The goal is to share a snapshot into your life and what it would be like to live it with you. Don't forget that you're not just looking for someone who can contribute to your life experience. You're also going to contribute to theirs. How are you best suited to enrich someone elses' life experience? Do not give a laundry list of items that you don't want in a man! Keep it positive.
Finally, do not lose hope after a series of bad dates. Keep the mantra "it only takes one" going in your head. Just because you had some bad dates doesn't mean that it is because of online dating. It's not the website that you're on. It's not that men who date online are bad. It's just what you've run into so far. I know many, many women who have married their online sweethearts (including myself) Start every new online date with a clean slate and a fresh attitude. The biggest complaint I receive from men who are dating women over 40 is that they're "jaded." Stay out of that category, and they'll be pining for date number two with you!