Why Are You Single?
Why Are You Single?
Why Are You Single?
This article was originally written and featured at MUSED Magazine Online.
Why are you single? A simple but effective question that all singles ask when they jump into the dating process. As Chicago’s resident gay matchmaker, I make it point to ask all of my clients why they feel that they are single, because it gives me an idea as to whether or not they are even ready to pursue a relationship.
Gentlemen, your words have power and this goes for every aspect of your life, especially in areas of dating and relationships. When you are interested in someone, it’s natural to want to figure out what makes them tick and vice versa. The way you answer this question can either position you as a potential partner or prevent you from developing a long-term relationship with someone who could be great for you.
I am going to let in on some insider information. This past weekend I compiled a list of the top excuses desperately seeking gay singles use as to why they are single and I asked some of my guys to help me call BS and respond to what is being said versus what lies beneath.
1. I’m focused on my career
Everyone works and there are plenty of single guys who manage their business and still maintain relationships. Use this excuse and you are probably using your career as a distraction from being alone.
2. I like my life the way it is
Most people do like their lives the way that are but the point of living is to enhance your quality of life by adding layers of happiness. To deny yourself the possibility companionship for this reason can be make it seems like you have a fear of change and possibly commitment.
3. I can’t find someone on my level/Guys are intimidated by me
This is such a narcissistic and snobbish thing to say. If your standards are so high that they are preventing you from meeting people and relating to them, then your standards are probably too high and completely unrealistic. Take the stick out of your butt and have a little fun.
4. I don’t want to be tied down
Anyone who says this probably truly doesn’t want the responsibility of a long-term relationship, They just want the freedom to do what they want, screw who they want and not have to answer to anyone.
5. Dating is too much work
If you want a relationship but don’t want to put the work into building and nurturing it, then you are lazy! Relationships require hard work and a healthy level of give and take. Using this excuse can make it seem like you are selfish.
6. I’m not hot/young enough for the scene
A lack of self-esteem and confidence isn’t sexy at all. Nobody wants to be a guest at your pity party.
If you feel that you are not young or hot enough for the gay singles scene then maybe you need a change of scenery. There comes a time where all men realize that they are not 20 anymore and we have to grow up. Live in the now and start enhancing your life with activities and people you enjoy. Keep saying you are old and unattractive and people will start agreeing with you.
7. All the good ones are taken or straight
There’s a deeper issue here. Anyone who says this and believes it probably needs therapy. Having an exclusive attraction to unavailable men is self-sabotage and you will find yourself either alone or damaged by a resume of unhealthy relationships.
8. I don’t like a lot of drama.
Nobody likes conflict, but it happens. When things don’t go your way in a relationship, you have to be prepared to deal with it and willing to work through it. Using the drama factor as an excuse can make it seem like you are a control freak and not in it for the long haul.
9. It’s hard to find a discreet guy
Seriously… Come out of the closet already!
10. All gay guys want is sex
Men can’t really want something from you that you are not advertising. Maybe you should change your approach and leave sex off the table during the early stages of getting to know them.
11. Who needs a boyfriend when you have friends
Codependency is crippling. Your friends should be a portion of your life, not the center. Time to man up and start venturing out on your own. Relationships are hard enough with 2 people involved, additional opinions or approval are not required.
12. I go on dates but they never call back
You either scare them away from talking too much about your personal issues or you give up the booty quick and the thrill of the chase is gone. Focus on getting to know the men you date before you start spilling your all your dirty little secrets.
13. The guys I like don’t like me
If you find yourself in a position to where you are chasing guys who have no interest in you maybe you should adjust the criteria in which you base your attraction on. Don’t lust and chase after people you don’t have anything in common with because at the end of the day, your setting yourself up for rejection.
So what excuses have you heard? Share your story and let us know what you think!
J. Cameron Gantt is the head dating coach and matchmaker for Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based matchmaking agency for gay singles. Connect with him at www.instigaytor.com and download his FREE E-Guide “3 Secrets To Attract More Dates.”