Are you ready for a relationship? As a matchmaker for gay men, I make it a point to begin each of my consultations with this question and of course the general response is yes. If they didn’t feel that they were, they probably wouldn’t be sitting in my office, but there’s a huge difference between wanting a relationship and being ready for one.
When it comes to love and relationships, the fabulous Eartha Kitt once said “It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.”
I stand behind this because most times, I find the thing that keeps most people single is their lack of self-love. They go out into the world desperately seeking a relationship with hopes that it will fix something that seems “broken”, only to sabotage themselves by chasing the unattainable, settling or adjusting their needs to suit someone else’s or dropping someone who is actually good for them because a seemingly “better offer” has come along.
These are some of the things that keep many singles on what I like to call a “hamster wheel” of bad relationships and it all stems from not being comfortable in your own skin. We all crave companionship in some form and we all deserve to a shot at finding love but the truth is, until you can master the art of loving yourself, you will never be able to love or accept love from anyone else.
Luckily, it’s never too late to start nurturing the relationship you have with yourself and it’s never too late to start using that energy to attract a healthy, authentic and fulfilling relationship with someone else.
Here are 3 of my top tips that you that will not only help you love yourself more, but also so help prepare you to love and receive love from a future mate.
If you can’t be honest with yourself, how can you be honest with others? Honesty is important for any genuine relationship, especially the one we have with ourselves. Sometimes, I think that we forget to separate the fantasy of what we want from the reality of what we need. As a result, we find ourselves lost, confused and sometimes desperate looking for a way out. This is the point where people usually find themselves stuck because instead of focusing on the root of the problem, they are focusing on the quick fix.
The truth can be scary, but you have to take the good with the bad and own it. If it’s a positive truth, then live by it. If it’s a negative truth, then you have the option of either working towards changing it or working towards accepting it.
This honesty will bring you clarity within yourself and will also allow you to be more honest and clear about what you need in a relationship.
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