Selfishness Or Fear Of Commitment?


Selfishness Or Fear Of Commitment?
What’s the difference between being selfish and protecting your heart? How can you overcome it?

So after years of being happily single, you find yourself falling in love again. You didn’t plan it… It just happened. What started out as casual date has turned into something much deeper and you are thinking about settling down.

One of my friends asked the question: When you have been single for years, how do you transition from the “selfish me” mindset into a “we” oriented relationship?


This is a good great question and it seems to be pretty common with some of the guys that I work with. The truth is if you are asking this question, you are already half way there!

Let me start by saying that “selfish” is a harsh word to use for what is being described. We all have a natural fight or flight response to situations that can cause damage. It’s safe to say that the majority of us have been hurt in the past and even though the wounds have healed, we still carry some of the scars.  Are You Ready For A Relationship? [EXPERT]

Defenses are up! That selfish feeling that you are experiencing is your fear. You may be scared of a past situation repeating itself. Maybe you are afraid of losing yourself in the relationship. Either way, that fear is your minds way of protecting your personal interests. This isn’t bad thing. Everyone has a right to be selfish to some extent, as long as it’s for the right reasons. 3 Ways Singles Lose Themselves When Finding New Love [EXPERT]

In any relationship there has to be some sort of give and take. There also has to be an established level of trust, and an understanding that trust factor will not be taken advantage of. The only way this is going to happen is through dialogue.

It might sound odd, but start off by initiating a conversation with yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day life. Sometimes we forget to take that extra “me” time to not only relax, but to think about the things that are going on in our lives.

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J. Cameron Gantt

Dating Coach

J. Cameron Gantt is a Certified Life Coach and Matchmaker for Insti(Gay)tor, The Exclusively Gay Matchmaking Agency. He is a featured contributor for various dating and relationship websites offering expert advice on GLBT dating and relationships.

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Location: Chicago, IL
Credentials: CPC
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