Why Relationships Change From Hot To Cold So Fast
Is it really possible for a woman to be in love and fall out of love so quickly?
Unfortunately, the answer is a definite yes. When two people fall in love quickly and a few months later want to break up, they have experienced what is known as a 'crash and burn' relationship. It is characterized by initial enthrallment giving way quickly to feelings of distaste or doubt. This type of relationship occurs much more frequently than one would suppose.
There are five different phases to the dating process. The first of these is known as the 'infatuation phase' which lasts anywhere from a few days up to twelve weeks. During this period a romance that seemed very attractive at the start may take on a different hue as the new couple spends time together and begins to learn what the other is like.
When two people first meet and feel strong chemistry, they often try and make themselves out to be the person they think the other expects them to be. The problem is the masquerade can't go on forever. At some point, within the first three months of togetherness, the disguise crumbles and one's true personality begins to emerge.
As this happens little habits that irritate, lifestyle choices deemed unacceptable and differences in relationship desires and needs all begin to emerge. Along the way a formerly enchanted partner may discover there are more things that now 'turn them off' than initially 'turned them on.'
However, rejection is not always truly the person who is now in disfavor. Many times someone excitedly enters into a romance, drawn by a sense of need or chemical lust, only to discover that they were not ready to be getting so serious, or, for that matter, be in any relationship at all.
This may be due to past relationship disappointments, negative life experiences, loss of a beloved former partner, fear of losing independence or other reasons which have nothing to do with the person whom they are currently dating.
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If you find yourself on the rejection end, the 'burn' phase of this type of relationship creates a lot of confusion. How could love have seemed so illuminating one moment and be flickering or in ashes the next? What can you do to rekindle the flame?
In the first instance, there is likely not anything. That is why it is best to get to know a new person slowly so both of you can make sure your feelings are based on a realistic knowledge and acceptance of the person the other truly is. In the second case, if you are still interested, you can support your partner by giving them the space they need to deal with what is inhibiting them from wanting to go forward.
If this choice is made, it is important to set a time limit within yourself in which to see signs your former partner can and is willing to, overcome whatever made them pull back. Otherwise you may waste precious hours, weeks, months or even years waiting for something that is not going to happen.
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How can you tell which of the two possibilities fits your own situation? The first is to carefully evaluate what has been said by your partner. If they had a clear reason for ending the relationship or are avoiding you, it is almost certain they have just decided that you are not the right person for them. However, if they are making statements like "I'm just not ready" or "this is moving too fast," they are likely telling you it is not about you, they just need time in order to discover what is going on within them.
Sometimes a person wants to let down the other without hurting their feelings. They may tell them "maybe we can still be friends." However, if they are pulling away because they are not ready for more in the relationship, they may also say the same thing. This makes it difficult to determine their true intent.
Therefore, it is best to have no contact for a while. If you have not heard from your date within a month, you can either just move on from the romance or you can contact them and ask how they have been. Do not push to get a reply or try and make something happen beyond the call. You are simply letting the other know you are still interested in them.
If you get them on the phone, you can try and determine how they are currently feeling by how they respond. Let them take the initiative as to if there will be another date. That doesn't mean they need to directly ask you out, but they do need to indicate they enjoyed hearing a remark from you like "I hope to see you around" or "Will I see you at the game?" may likely be a positive sign.
If no hint of an eventual invitation or opening for one is forthcoming, it is best to let the relationship go. It is possible you may get a surprise phone call or email someday but you can't live your life depending on it. Even if the person was interested and it is simply their internal baggage that stands in the way that doesn't mean they will be able to push it aside to the degree that would make it possible for a relationship to succeed.
If you get a request to 'just be friends,' do go ahead and communicate or have outings with your former partner when and if you can truly accept a platonic friendship. Respect their boundary and do not press for more. It is possible that at some point you may discover what impeded them from progressing further in the dating process.
By becoming a 'safe' person for them to be around, they may eventually open up their feelings to you in an unexpected way. Then you have information you can work with. Even if you still have a strong desire, do not be physically intimate during this time as you run the risk of just turning into a 'friend with benefits.' Once that happens, it is very difficult for the relationship to ever become anything more.
Infatuations can rise and fall. Knowing the potential for a relationship to fall apart within the first twelve weeks, it is best to never tell someone you love them. This saves your partner from potential hurt and having created expectations you may later regret. If the feelings of love are real, they will still be there when that period is over. After that is the time to evaluate how close you really are to being able to sincerely use the word 'love.'
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