Let’s see if we can figure this out together. You have the altar, the man and you. What is the one variable you can change in this equation? For all those that say “the man,” please stop reading here. You have flunked this question. If your answer is “you,” please continue reading, because you are taking responsibility regardless of who is at fault. And when you take responsibility, you now have an opportunity to reach the outcome you desire. So, the question you must answer with absolute honesty is, “What is it about you that could have run your man away from the altar?”
If your man is saying “no” at the altar or right before, have you considered that it may be something about you that he is not sure about? That same man saying “no” to you today, after dating you for years, will say “yes” to another woman three months later. Why is that? There was something about you that did not quite fit.
More from YourTango: Would You Let Your Man Catch the Bus or Ride With a Co-Worker If?
It is in your best interests to discover what that something may be. Do not be afraid to dig deeply into your personality. Girlfriend or fiancée status is okay, but being a wife is a whole other level in the Man of Your Dreams’ mind. For such a final decision, it has to be a perfect fit. If a man says “no”to marrying you and you have been with him for several years, then obviously there is something about you that is blocking him from saying “yes.” You are asking yourself because it is only you that you can change or improve. You cannot change him. So by focusing on yourself first, you remove any obstacles to him saying “no,” one by one. Once you have accomplished this, all that are left are the bare-bones reasons for his decision to run from the altar. The sooner you can identify the problem, the sooner you can work at fixing it.
Ask your man whether there is anything about you making him say “no.” We know you think you are the bomb dot com, but if you do not find out now, it can and will happen again with your next man. It will be the same problem–same bat time, same bat channel. The best thing you can do is get to the naked truth now. This is the only way you are going to succeed in the future. You can be in a relationship, thinking that you are doing it all right, only to find out later, when the big day comes, that everything you thought was right was not right for him. He was not as happy as you thought. A man has a greater fear of facing you than he does of facing another man. He will physically fight another man before he faces you. It’s crazy, huh? Now you are truly getting to know how men think and feel.
More from YourTango: The Art of Listening to the Man of Your Dreams (James 1:19)
So in this equation, the only thing you can do is take personal responsibility for your actions, rather than blaming your man for the mistakes, including the run from the altar. Please stop playing the victim, because when you do, you create the energy that you are trying to avoid and become that which you create. The victim becomes the victim and the hero becomes the hero, all by your thoughts and what comes out of your mouth.
Evaluate and be honest with yourself. If you take arrogance out of the equation and realize that you may not be perfect in his eyes, you may have a chance to salvage the years you invested in your relationship.