What does it mean when you go on a first date with a man and he tells you he is kind of seeing another woman, but it’s not serious? Your first thought should be, “if it is not serious, then why is he telling me?” Second, you should ask him, on the spot, “How would she feel if she knew you were here with me?”
But why? What the man is actually doing by telling you about the other woman is giving you notice that if you start any kind of relationship, have sex, etc., do not be surprised when she pops back up later. This is the beginning of the contract offered by the man. It’s his way of giving you notice, nicely, that he is also having sex with another woman.
If you want to have sex, then proceed forward and have fun. But if you are a lady looking for a relationship, then this is the time to temporarily practice your celibacy (When to have Sex with the Man you are Dating).
If you really find the man interesting, always remember that between the time you meet him and the time you have sex with him is the best opportunity for you to tell him everything about yourself that you want him to know. It’s equivalent to writing a contract. You are actually writing the contract right now, so put everything on the table. Your counteroffer could be, “I’m interested but my brother is gay,” “I want to stop working in a year and start my own business,” “My best friend is a man,” “I’m a daddy’s girl,” etc. You may want to throw out something crazy, like “I want to have five kids.”
This is the period in which you can almost get a man to agree to anything. It’s full disclosure, before you have sex. This way, he can’t say that he didn’t know the terms of the contract, because you have just provided him a counteroffer. Now the ball is back in his court. But if you have sex with him before he knows anything about your wants and desires, then you have already pretty much set the pattern for what is to come, and the contract is sealed according to his initial offer: “I don’t mind seeing you, but I am dating someone else,” which really means he is having sex with someone else. It’s kind of hard to go back and change the pattern or contract once it’s already set.
This is why it is so important to practice your celibacy now, especially since his focus is not totally on you. Remember he has already said he is dating someone else as well. So in this case we recommend you talk on the phone, go out to dinner, meet up but do not allow him to come to your house, nor yourself to go to his house. You can go to family gatherings where there are other people there, or his mom’s house, as long as his mom is there. But never, ever go to his house until you have a firm contract.