Roommate or Soulmate?


Roommate or Soulmate?
Been married for years and feeling like a roommate? 5 Steps to a Stronger Relationship

How do you define your relationship with your spouse or significant other? Could it be better? Let's begin by defining both terms: roommate and soulmate, and then you be the judge.

A roommate is a person of convenience, a practical helper with whom you share financial responsibilities, day-to-day household chores and, in many cases, children and their activities. You may or may not speak to this person every day due to a variety of reasons: busy schedules or just lack of interest, and when you do speak, it's rarely meaningful, but rather just an exchange of information necessary to get through the day or plan for the week. You may reserve meaningful dialogue for an emotional emergency or when things have suddenly gotten ugly for one of you. These discussions typically revolve around such issues as mutual respect or appreciation, finances, inequity in responsibilities, and the big one, sexual intimacy or lack thereof. Though your roommate is  a person with whom you share day-to-day responsibilities, you may lack true intimacy in the emotional or physical aspect of your relationship. Sometimes, we move in and out of roommate mode with our partner. When things are good, we think we are soulmates. On the other hand, if you often feel you're coasting through the relationship, you may have a roommate.


A soulmate, on the other hand, is someone with whom you share your mind, body and soul, but not necessarily day-to-day responsibilities. If you have both, great! The soulmate is someone you know and trust, someone who knows you so well that they can sense intuitively what you need and when you need it. They can do this easily, because you talk with them on a regular basis about what's important to you. You even talk with them about trivial matters, just for the sake of sharing, connecting, and being involved in your partner's life. You feel comfortable asking for their perception about how things are going in the relationship regularly, not just in an emotional emergency. Because you're more open with sharing your feelings, you may be more apt to share your physical passion with this person. For many, physical intimacy and passion comes with having a strong emotional connection. In Ancient Roman times at funerals, a person's success in life is based on one simple question during the Eulogy: "Did he have passion in life?" Do you have passion in your relationship? Being a good partner in life certainly requires being a good roommate when you live together. Being a great partner, requires someone who is passionately involved with the other and concerned about the health of the relationship.

I suspect now you are wondering what you define your own relationship as and what to do about it. If you believe it falls more on the roommate side, how do you move into the soul mate category? There are five steps to improving your relationship, being more satisfied and becoming a true soul mate.  Soulmates aren't born, they're made! It just takes awareness, a desire to improve for your partner and a few skills practiced over time.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Life Coach Holly

Life Coach

Holly St. John Peck, CLC

Life Coach specializing in Relationships and Personal Improvement

Executive Coach specializing in Speaker Skills

Peck Training Group



Location: Allen, TX
Credentials: CLC
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