Move in for these reasons, and you'll find yourself moving out all-too-soon.
So, you're thinking of moving in together? Before you hire the movers and pack your boxes, you might want to pause and consider your reasons. Moving in for any of the following 5 reasons could mean you may soon find yourself moving out.
Here are 5 reasons NOT to move in together:
- Your lease is up. If the two of you are thinking about moving in together because one of you has a lease ending, you are making this important decision based on timing. So many couples make the mistake of moving in together now because they think they will want to move in together sometime in the near future, maybe before another year-long lease would end. It's really tempting to make a move like this, but it is to the detriment of your relationship. You can only move in together when your relationship is ready. Base your decision to move in together on your timing, not on the timing of a lease.
- You already spend all your time at one partner's place. When the two of you spend all your time together and end up staying over at each other's places every night, it seems a logical choice to move in together. If one of you returns home only to pick up the next few day's worth of clean clothes or to do laundry, it can feel like a hassle. But if you move in together to relieve this stressful back and forth, then it is a decision of convenience. Moving in together because it's more convenient may simplify your short-term day-to-day but complicate things in the long run.
- Why pay two rents when you can pay one? When you find yourselves keeping and paying for two residences but only spending time in one, it is awfully tempting to join forces and save money. Think of all of the extra cash you will have as a couple or how much money one partner will save by not paying rent on an uninhabited home. But moving in together to save money means you are making this decision based on finances. The short-term gratification of this choice may lead to an expensive outcome when you have to move out and pay first/last and a security deposit on a new place of your own.
- One of you moves to end the long-distance part of the relationship. If you've been in a long distance relationship and have decided to take the next step and live in the same town, congratulations! That is an exciting time for the two of you, and surviving long distance is no easy feat.
Many couples make the big mistake of moving right in with each other. This can quickly cause the demise of the relationship. You've maintained independence for so long that to move in cold-turkey without getting to know each other as individuals within the same town is a critical step that cannot be skipped.
If you are the moving partner, you will need to establish a life of your own and get settled into work, friends and a routine, which can take some time. Starting over in a new town for the sake of a relationship makes you extremely vulnerable. Take time to fill your life with anything other than your mate, and the relationship will stand a chance of adjusting to this transition.
If you are the staying mate, receiving a sudden live-in partner who only has you in his/her life can feel suffocating and onerous. Take care of this relationship by taking it one step at a time; live in the same town before you live in the same home!
- You don't want to lose the relationship. If you've been together for a while and your mate is getting antsy to take the relationship to the next step but you are still unsure, please do not be pressured into this major decision. This type of pleasing behavior will surely see the end of the relationship. If you aren't sure, then continue to take your time.
Be honest with your partner that you aren't ready for cohabitation. Acquiescing to your partner's desire or even ultimatum is denying your truth (lying). Your mate will win in the short term, but lose in the long run when the relationship crumbles from a weight it cannot withstand and you find yourself moving out.
Couples who move in too soon because they've based the decision to live together on these external factors struggle to survive. The relationship may not have been ready for the seriousness of the commitment—partners have trouble transitioning to cohabitation and become disillusioned by just how un-romantic living together can actually be.
It is extremely challenging to keep a relationship moving forward while returning to living apart. It can seem like a step backward and partners often wonder if they really are just not compatible.
The One Reason to Move In Together
There is only one reason to move in with each other: your relationship is ready for the next step. Talk openly about your feelings, your fears and your visions for the future. Be intentional about your relationship.
That means all decisions about the relationship are made in the best interests of the relationship. To honor your relationship, you will pay the extra rent, pay to break a lease or continue living separately until both partners in the relationship are ready for the commitment that goes with living together. Honor your relationship this way and this decision will just be the first of many intentional decisions you make together.