You Need To Move Through Coronavirus Grief — Not Around It
Discover how to face grief in your own unique way.
kittrat roekburi/shutterstock This year, we’ve all lost things — from large celebrations to missed vacations. Some of us have lost people and jobs to coronavirus and are feeling the grief.
The pandemic is claiming lives across the country, and if you haven’t been impacted, you may know someone who has.
We are grieving for many reasons. But knowing how to move through the worst of coronavirus grief is an important tool in life.
Kelley Brenninger’s story of moving through grief has lessons for us all. Four years ago, she lost her husband of 20 years in a skiing accident and found herself on a journey without a blueprint.
Her two children, then 12 and 15, anchored her to this earth. She knew she couldn’t go around her grief. Her focus on her family kept her moving forward through it.
Here are 4 ways to move through coronavirus grief, instead of trying to bypass it.
1. Grieve your own way.
In the days after losing her husband, Kelley cried a lot. She explained to her kids that for her, crying was the way to release her grief.
She knew her tears would move her closer to healing. But her children grieved in different ways.
Her daughter turned to writing and art. Her son worked with a counselor who took him golfing and taught him to play the guitar.
Grieving alongside her children, Kelley learned they each had their own way to process their pain and emotions. She realized there's no right or wrong way to release your grief.
Let go of the stages they say you should be following and grieve your own way.
2. Find joy in your life.
You may be tempted to numb your grief. This can be done with alcohol, pills, or avoidance through activity. But this will only prolong the inevitable.
To truly heal, you need to go through the middle of the pain to get to the other side. You need to feel it to get through it.
However, this doesn’t mean you have to stay in the pain. Take a break and find joy again. This will happen little by little when you take a breather from the grief.
As time passed, Kelley and her children found comfort in laughter. Not long before her husband passed, their family spent a year in France and traveled around Europe.
Telling stories of their trip led to more stories from the past. It was a positive way of bringing him back into their world, and brought them moments of joy.
3. Get some fresh air and exercise.
In her darkest moments, Kelley’s counselor recommended she get moving. Kelley and her children began taking walks together in the fresh mountain air outside her home. Kelley found this time in nature incredibly healing.
Take steps to get out of the state you’re in — the closed curtains, the same couch, and the tears. Make the choice to put your body in motion.
When you change your environment, you begin to change the state you’re in.
4. Practice authentic gratitude.
Grieving can be like a see-saw. You work to be thankful for what you do have, but you quickly find yourself considering what should have been without your loss.
This pattern is perfectly normal. But there's a way out of it.
An attitude of gratitude is stronger than pessimism and dissatisfaction. But it has to be authentic.
Choose to be specific in gratitude for the things that truly bring you joy. This can change from day to day, and as you practice will lead you through grief and towards healing.
There is no set way to deal with grief, but even in the darkest moments, authentic gratitude can make all the difference.
Loss can affect your life in profound ways. But moving through the grief is essential — and helps you heal in remarkable ways.
Hilary DeCesare is the Founder and CEO of The ReLaunch Co. She’s appeared on ABC’s "The Secret Millionaire" and on major news outlets such as CBS, ABC, Fox, Huffington Post, and Yahoo, and offers several ReLaunch courses and coaching. To connect with her directly or for media requests please email her!