Can separate vacations keep your marriage hot or save it from divorce? As a relationship coach to couples who are on the brink of divorce, I say the answer is yes! Stepping out of the couple dynamic and having your own experiences is an amazing way to breathe new, sexy life into your marriage. You'll each come back from your respective vacations with new, exciting stories to share, and you'll remember what it feels like to miss each other, which will lead to a stronger, healthier, and more exciting partnership.
If you think separate vacations sounds like just the thing to spice up your relationship, here are some things to keep in mind:
1.) Make sure your husband is comfortable with the idea of separate vacations.
Sit down with your husband and make sure he's open to the idea of taking separate vacations this year. You could try saying something like:
"Babe, I want to talk about our vacation time. I think it would be nice for each of us to have a vacation either with our friends or alone, and then we could also go on a trip together. I was thinking we could each choose a vacation that we know the other person wouldn't be interested in. For example, I'd probably choose my silent yoga and meditation retreat, because I know you really don't want to go to that. And you could go on that baseball tour in St. Louis if you want. What do you think?"
2.) Lay down some ground rules.
Each couple's ground rules will be different, but you just want to make sure you're both on the same page so as to avoid any fights. For example, you may say that the solo vacations can last no longer than a week, or solo vacations with friends are only okay if no one of the opposite sex is also going on the trip.
3.) Take vacations together as well.
There's a fine line between separate vacations and separate lives. The former can enliven your relationship; the latter can destroy it. Even if your schedule doesn't permit you to take three long vacations throughout the year, take romantic weekend getaways every now and then to enjoy shared experiences and grow together as a couple.
4.) Revisit the "agreement" often.
After your first vacation apart, revisit your agreement to make sure it's working for you both. Be open to tweaking the agreement until you have something that works perfectly for your relationship.
Separate vacations can certainly breath new life into a humdrum existence as a couple. For this to work it's important to focus not on what separate vacations will accomplish for your bond but rather what it can do for you as an individual! Make it fun for your self, enjoy being unencumbered by your mates needs completely free to give your self that undivided attention that you usually give everybody else.
I want to hear from you! Have you and your spouse ever taken a separate vacation? Would you? Share your thoughts / experiences in the comment box below!
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