Apologizing isn't easy or comfortable, but it's a crucial part of making your man feel respected and loved — and, in any relationship, an apology will be necessary, sooner or later. An insincere or flippant apology is worse than no apology at all, so before you say "I'm sorry", check out the right (and wrong) ways to apologize to your man.
The Right Way to Apologize
To apologize in a way that resolves the situation and makes your guy feel better you must:
1. Make eye contact.
2. Be 100 percent sincere.
3. Take responsibility for what you did wrong.
4. Name what you'll change.
5. Never say "I'm sorry, but…"
For example, let's say you forgot to eat lunch today, and when your guy got home you snapped at him because your blood sugar was low. After a few minutes you realized you hurt his feelings, and you want to apologize.
In this example, you might go over to him, put your hands on his arm, look him in the eye, and say:
"I realized that I snapped at you — and that probably hurt your feelings. I'm so sorry I did that. I know I have a tendency when I don't eat to get in a bad mood, and take it out on you. I'm going to get better about making sure I eat lunch so I don’t snap at you. I feel badly about it, and I'm sorry."
This apology works because you're taking ownership for what you did wrong, and making a plan to prevent it from happening in the future.
The Wrong Way to Apologize
Using that very same example of you snapping at your guy because you didn't eat lunch, here is the wrong way to say you're sorry:
"I’m sorry that I snapped at you. I realize I hurt your feelings, but I didn’t eat anything, and you know when my blood sugar gets low I get really angry."
This apology doesn't work because you're not taking responsibility. When you said "I'm sorry, but…" you told you're guy that you're not owning your mistake. You're also not telling him how you'll prevent it from happening again. This kind of apology certainly won't make your situation better, and it may even make it worse.
The next time you need to apologize to your guy, make sure you avoid the phrase "I’m sorry, but…" Make eye contact, take responsibility, and sincerely name what you'll change. This is a powerful way to resolve the fight and make your guy feel better, so the two of you can move on to happier times.
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