Finally resolving the "same old fight" is challenging because it’s an ongoing fight for a reason. You and your partner each think you're 100% right in the situation, and neither one of you are willing to compromise, so you just keep fighting about the issue without ever finding a solution.
I've talked before about how to resolve this type of fight when it's your partner's fault, so now I want to discuss what to do when the ongoing fight is your fault. In this case, you have to get to the bottom of why your actions are making your partner so upset, so you can come up with a compromise that works to resolve the argument for good.
For example, let's say you love to meet your friends for margaritas every Monday, but your partner hates it when you come home tipsy. The second you come home from seeing your friends, your partner makes a rude comment about your drinking, and you feel judged and like they're trying to control you. This fight happens every single time you go out with your friends, and you just want to make it stop — for good.
If you want to resolve this type of fight, you need to change it up. For starters, don't try to resolve the issue in the heat of the moment. Even if they're ready to fight, try saying something like:
"Babe, I understand you’re upset. Let's just go to sleep, and we can talk about it tomorrow when we get home from work."
The next night, once they've had some time to cool off and gather their thoughts, approach them from a place of openness and curiosity. Try saying something like:
"So babe, what's really bugging you about me going out with my friends? From my perspective, it's just a few margaritas. I really want to understand what about this particular situation bothers you, so we can resolve it once and for all."
Then, let them speak. They may say they don't like how much you drink when you're with your friends. Or maybe they'll explain that since they're not a big drinker, they doesn't understand why you feel the need to indulge at all when you're with your friends. Or they could be having a moment of irrational jealousy about other people hitting on their tipsy partner, you never know!
No matter what they say, I guarantee there's an underlying fear behind their words, so try to get to the bottom of what that fear is. Maybe they're worried that your drinking will get worse over time, or maybe they're concerned that you're not safe when you're tipsy.
Once you identify the underlying fear, the two of you can work together to come up with a solution that makes them feel like their concerns have been addressed, without forcing you to give up Margarita Mondays altogether. For example, if they're concerned about your safety, maybe they can come and pick you up so they know you're in good hands at the end of the night. Or, you can text them throughout the evening to let them know you're okay.
No matter what your relationship's ongoing fight is there's always a solution. With the right conversation approach (and a little compromise!) you and your partner can put your ongoing issue to bed once and for all.
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