Dating question for Hadley:
For 6 Friday nights in a row, I’ve been dating a woman I met online. Last Friday we had sex for the first time, and it was hot. On Thursday, I called her for a date on Saturday, thinking she’d be happy to be upgraded from Friday to Saturday night. But she was upset that I didn’t send her flowers or call her the day after we had sex.
I told her I already bought her 6 dinners and movies, and I gave her two orgasms in one night. “Don’t be greedy,” I said, half-joking. Then she hung up on me. Is a guy supposed to send flowers or say thanks for having sex with a woman you’re already treating to expensive dates?
Dating answer from Hadley:
Treating a woman to 6 dinners and movies is a generous, thoughtful expression of your interest in her, but it does not create a debt that she repays by having sex with you. You’ve just discovered that paying for dates and having hot sex wasn’t enough to win the heart of this woman, after she hung up on you without agreeing to see you again. If you don’t like these results, I suggest you do something new to get the results you want.
How do you decide on a new, improved dating strategy?
First, decide what you want from dating, and then take new action steps to get it.
If you’re dating to find a sex partner and behave in ways that don’t satisfy her emotional needs, then you don’t need to express your appreciation for anything your date does, including having sex. You don’t need to do what a woman wants to make her feel special. You won’t stop dead-end dating, until you decide you want to give and receive more in a dating relationship.
If you’re dating to find love and get the passionate intimacy and undying devotion you deserve in a relationship, then I suggest that you start using the dating and love habits of happy couples, who make your partner feel special, cherished and appreciated every day. How do you start?
You start speaking your date’s love language, which means showing your affection and appreciation in ways that help them feel loved, lovable and more loving to you. How do you identify someone’s love language?
In your dating scenario, you didn’t have to guess or even ask your date, because she actually told you how to speak her love language, by sending flowers and calling to show how much you appreciate being with her. She told you this was important to her, especially after you’ve deepened your dating relationship through sexual intimacy.
What did you do that backfired?
Instead of speaking her love language, you rejected her request. You showed her you’re not willing to do the simple things she needs to feel special, cherished and appreciated, so she disconnected from you. Her action deserves respect, since she was protecting her best interests and well being by moving on to meet a more compatible match who will love her the way she desires and deserves.
Have you ruined your chances with this woman?
Yes, if you’re not willing to speak her love language.
Does she mean enough to you to ask for another chance?