Ever sense that your special date is too focused on fun to settle down in a relationship? Does your date say and do everything right–except commit to a relationship?
It doesn't matter if you're seeking your great love match through online dating, matchmaking services or in chance meetings. When you date to find love, you need to recognize dates who just might be too good to be true to you. How do you decide if a dating relationship works for you? I'll walk you through the process.
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“Everybody plays the fool, sometimes,” sings Aaron Neville in his hit song.
There’s a big difference between feeling like a fool in love and being played as a fool in a dating relationship.
Want to make sure you aren’t fooled into thinking you could settle down with someone who’s too exciting, charming or illusive for a committed relationship? Then look for these common traits in risky dates.
In our tribe, we call these magnetically attractive and emotionally risky dates, “Pioneers”, since they’re always after greener trails.
Pioneers often are recently divorced or "free again" after a big break up, when they enter a phase of chasing pleasure in serial dating.
This phase may end if a pioneer meets someone they don’t want to lose. Then a pioneer may return to being a settler, who’s content at home on the range in a happy relationship.
How do Pioneers differ from Players?
Players are often referred to as playboys or playgirls who have not yet settled down in a committed relationship and may never do so. Being a player is often a lifestyle– whereas being a pioneer is often a restless phase.
How do you know if you’re dating a pioneer or a player?
Whether it’s a phase or a lifestyle, pioneers and players share these common traits:
* They chase dates with superficial appeal like physical appearance, money, career success, a fancy car or address.
* Image is an aphrodisiac.
* Dating is all about pursuing lust, chemistry and pleasure, since they don’t know the difference between lust and love.
* They’re addicted to the rush of cupid’s cocktails that you feel at the start up of a dating relationship. If that begins to wear off, they move on to greener trails and a greater rush of pleasure.
* They keep diving into a new relationship but never learn how to swim in a relationship that lasts. This is because they often cherish their freedom more than a relationship.
What are the attractor factors of players and pioneers?
* They know how to have fun and plan exciting dates, so you look forward to your time together.
* They may speak from the heart about past wounds or current desires for a relationship with the right person.
* They may read spiritual books, do yoga, meditate or attend courses that promote personal growth.
* They may say and do all the right things, so that you sense they might be ready to settle down with you.
What happens when you bring up the subject of a committed relationship?
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They run. That’s when you realize you weren’t an important part of their lives.
Should you take rejection personally or see the relationship as a big mistake?