When you're single, Valentine's Day and the weeks leading up to it are the worst. And all the while we know it's a corporate, shoved-down-our-throats, made-up holiday, the social pressure about it still exists and we would feel better if we had a date.
Well, outside of a bandaid of a makeshift V-Date, make this Valentine's your personal V-Day on the beaches of Normandy. In other words, fight back!
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I like to think Valentine's Day for the single person should be their New Year's resolution for their personal life. Valentine's Day is a perfect day to come up with goals of how they can meet someone special in the next year and make this the last Valentine's Day you ever spend alone.
But to win the battle and the war, you have to have a plan of attack.
Here are a few ideas:
- Join online dating, finally. A friend of mine bemoaned online dating and I challenged her: "If you can find a date organically by the end of the month, you don't have to join. But if you can't find a date in a month, that's the day you join a dating site." She ended up joining and getting into a relationship with the first guy she met online. Things don't happen to you by chance, they happen to you by change. With so many types of people online and making connections, it's silly not to do it.
- Sign up for events specifically for singles. Grab a friend and join a speed dating group or a single's Meetup in your town. Make a pact to go more than once. Sometimes lightning doesn't strike the first time. You can't expect to be an awesome pianist just from sitting on a piano bench; success at anything comes from time and effort.
- Join something that isn't intended for singles but is an opportunity for you to meet new friends, possible dates, or just activity partners. I always tell clients finding dates isn't just about being where single people are; it's about being in any scenario to meet new people. New people have entire networks you can't see: single friends, single children, single fathers, single brothers, single sisters, single coworkers, so you never know unless you have to put yourself out there. So, join something and see where it takes you, whether that means joining golf lessons, becoming a shelter volunteer or going to a bridge club. If you show up and you're disappointed because it looks like all your Mom's yenta friends, remember what I said about their invisible networks and don't underestimate how they can help your single life.
- Talk to people. Tell people you know you are single and looking. You may think your friends/family/network would tell you about a potential love interest for you but they don't always have their mind on that. By telling them you're single and looking, it plants the seed in their head to pass along people who you may like. It's a little humbling to tell people about your dating status, but if you want to meet someone through friends you have to be willing to help them help you. So, tell everyone that if they know anyone, to send them your way. People who care about you want to help you and see you happy!
- Get out. Watching cable will never lead you to meet the person you're meant to be with. Try doing your solo activities in public spaces. Read a book in a park. Watch TV at a pub. Go online at a coffee shop. You need to learn to mingle in the world where you have access to meet people. This may feel awkward at first but remember, everything gets easier the more you do it.
Have you ever made a tangible dating strategy? What else can you do in the next year you meet that special someone for next Valentine's?
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