A friend asked me recently about his attraction to a woman he knows is in a committed relationship. He thought it wouldn't hurt him to fantasize about her since he doesn't have any other prospects. He also admits he doesn't feel so good about himself since he is (like the rest of us) getting older and feeling like he might not be attractive to women. And he thinks that the women he finds attractive wouldn't be interested in him.
So I wrote him a few thoughts which I thought I'd share here for others:
I think it's harmful to fantasize for three reasons:
It's not good for you to get hooked into someone who's unavailable.
The fantasy makes you less emotionally available to other women.
No one can ever measure up to a fantasy. It's best to stay grounded in reality instead.
As we age, we feel like we are getting fatter and duller looking. We have to grieve the loss of our youthful bodies and come to terms with our age.
The way I see it, there is someone for everyone out there. Everywhere I go, I see people that you'd think would be totally unacceptable for everyone. Yet, even they find love. So I think we always have to remember that there is someone out there who will love us just the way we are and stop trying to fit the square peg in a round hole. So we need to accept ourselves for who we are and look for the person that loves us that way.
Perhaps you need to change up how you look at women and focus less on looks and more on the person inside who can make you happy even if they are not gorgeous. 3 Simple Steps To Improve Your Self-Confidence
Are you struggling with these issues? Or do you have other ones?