ProConnect

Should You Date Outside Your Class?

By

Should You Date Outside Your Class?
You come from two separate backgrounds... Could dating someone outside your 'class' work?

By Marianne Beach, GalTime.com

 You come from two different worlds. With two different bank accounts. Blue collar, white collar--lower class, upper class--whatever you want to call it. But you're smitten with one another and want to make it work. Can you successfully date someone outside your social class? And, if so, what are some of the challenges you should expect to face?

More from YourTango: Want To Improve Your Marriage? Get Organized With Weekly Meetings

We asked Scott Alden, dating expert from HowAboutWe.com.

"Someone from a lower class dating an upper class person might experience embarrassment, feelings of inadequacy or even anger toward their partner," he says. "An upper class person dating someone more blue collar might experience guilt or resentment."

You might remember the Sex and the City episode when Miranda first starting dating Steve. As a successful lawyer, she had no problem picking up the check or splurging for a new suit so Steve could better fit in at her office mixer. But while she thought she was being kind, she was actually inadvertently hurting Steve's feelings with her generosity.

Related: Would You Date Outside Your Race?

"It is harder on men than on women, because for many, there is still the expectation that men are the providers and much of our confidence is tied up in this," says Alden.

So how does a man cope with a girlfriend who makes more money than him?

"Try and relax about the whole thing and realize that money isn't actually, in any way, tied to your manhood," suggests Alden. "Prove it elsewhere, if you need to prove it, but don't make your partner feel guilty about making more money than you and wanting to spend it."

And the woman can help out, too, by ensuring there are other areas in the relationship in which he can take charge.

"If you know there are tasks at which he excels, make sure he knows how much you appreciate it," he says. "Don't hire movers just because you can afford it -- ask him first. Don't call a plumber because the drain is clogged. Ask him to take a look at it first. Don't go to super fancy restaurants that he can't afford all the time -- go somewhere that he can pick up the check once in awhile."

But what about when it's the other way around--and the man is the higher earner? While Alden says it's usually not as much of an issue, there are some things to keep an eye out for.

"Women often feel 'kept' by a man who pays for everything," he says, "as if there's a debt they can never repay. Men in this situation may experience resentment if a woman is not contributing to the relationship in an some other way, to balance it out."

More from YourTango: How Often Should You Bathe Your Baby?

Related: When Does a Guy Deserve a Second Look?

So how do we keep these relationships on equal grounds--no matter who makes what? Alden has three tips:
1. Try to stick to dates that both partners can actually afford. Most of the time.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Brain

Use Goal Setting To Get A Boyfriend

You use goal setting in your professional life, but you can also use it to find true love.

shame

Uncovering the "Scandal" Behind Abusive Relationships

The media is abuzz with the news that “Scandal” star Columbus Short recently ...

Sex: How To Make Your Wife In The Mood For Sex

Are You The Tortoise Or The Hare In The Bedroom?

If he's ready and you're not, consider putting on a sexy fashion show for him.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS