3 Rules To Live By When You're Crazy In Love And It's Making You Irrational

Dopamine is like cocaine. Are you high?

By Francesca Escoto — Written on May 17, 2019

Photo: getty

Our bodies are like thermometers — they tell us the temperature of our relationships. Our body chemistry is constantly speaking to us, informing us, supplying brain data that we process in milliseconds. It is dangerous, however, to let our bodies do our thinking. That's what our brain is for, and no other part of us can do it better.

For example, the hormone dopamine released during the initial "crazy in love" phases of a relationship is so powerful, it actually reproduces the effects of cocaine in the body. Jitters, the rush of energy, the hyper focus on everything related to this one person — this is what dopamine does.

This doesn't happen only during the puppy love stages of romantic relationships. Married, heterosexual women also swim in the hormones of their monthly cycles. If a woman finds her spouse sexy, this perception will be intensified during ovulation. The opposite is also true: if he's not her cup of tea, she might as well move out for the next five days.

The Atlantic wrote about additional research that says men, along with women, experience the rush of hormones, such as vasopressin and oxytocin, which are released right after sex. These "love hormones" promote social skills, conformity with others, and attachment. It's what makes you "cuddle" right after orgasm.

Left alone, humans would run on hormonal instincts like the rest of the animal world. We would only act according to what we feel. However, we have what is called metacognitive skills: the ability to reflect and mediate on our thoughts and feelings.

We truly are above our animal instincts. This is what makes us human. Here are three ways to nurture your humanity:

1. Know your cycles.

Pay attention to your body's reactions and cycles. Are you a morning person? Are there certain foods that cause certain reactions? Are you really sensitive to aphrodisiacs?

If you are a woman, keep a log for a few months to map out your moods throughout the month. Do you see a pattern emerging? It might feel forced to listen so intently to your body, but it does become second nature over time.

2. Use your insight.

Knowing your body and cycles will inform your choices and decisions. Are you particularly susceptible to romance during certain times of the month? Decide if that is the best time to go on a first date, or if you will be better equipped to enjoy your date in a few days.

Perhaps you tend to use the after-sex high to get your spouse talking and engaged with you. Knowing this will create space for totally new conversations around your needs and healthier ways of meeting those needs without manipulation.

If you find yourself intensely disliking your partner on a regular basis, maybe your body is using a megaphone to let you know it's time to dial in. Numbing yourself will only prolong undesireable situations, or prevent you from recreating pleasurable ones.

3. Own your power.

There is no shame in being an emotional, sensational, biochemical being. When we are in touch with our bodies, we are also owning our sexuality and our power. Instead of giving in or giving up, we can choose to share our bodies for the pleasure of both people involved, without losing a thing in the process.