Online Dating Dilemma: Why Haven't They Texted Me?

The truth is you never know and in some cases you never know the answers to the many “why” questions that are associated with online dating. The difference between online dating and meeting someone at a bar is the personal interaction which instantly develops a relationship. When you meet someone online you are simply a number until the first meeting.  So when someone never texts you but will always respond when you text, when someone just randomly stops responding after weeks of great conversation, and when someone blows off your plans three or four times… You sit and wonder "Why?"!

I have had friends approach me and ask for advice on numerous occasions asking those "why" questions and many others. I always explain it in a similar fashion, online dating is tricky and you can’t take it personally. People are most likely talking to other people, life happens and people get distracted, and people do actually get busy with work/school and get sick. The key is not to get that invested until you meet someone and know that something is actually there and to make sure you don’t instantly think the worst when they don’t answer your text within 15 minutes. I’ll go over some potential situations and some ways to handle situations when you are left wondering why.

More from YourTango: Ten Ways to Be a Better Online Dater

More from YourTango: 4 Brainiacs Every Woman Should Date

Situation 1: You are always the one initiating conversation.

This one is honestly tricky and the rules apply differently for guys than ladies. Ladies expect the guy to text them and guys are more laid back and won’t even notice at times if they are always initiating conversation.  Ladies - you need to remember not to get invested. You can keep initiating and attempt one hangout session or suggesting one date. If he does not take the bait then drop it, if his reason is legit he will come after you and start initiating but most likely he isn’t all that interested but is fine filling in his day at work with responding to your texts because, let’s be honest people like attention.  Gentlemen - woman expect you to text. So you should not worry as much if you are always initiating conversation. But if you notice you have tried arranging a date and she is not jumping at the opportunity then you might want to take a step back with an open ended, “Well, you let me know when you are free and we can get that coffee, ” placing the ball in her court. Placing the ball in her court will then eliminate the why she just might not have it in her to tell you she is not interested anymore.

Situation 2: Someone stops texting after weeks of conversation.