How Do You Let Someone Know You Don’t Want A Second Date?

To tackle the dilemma of how to let someone know you’re not interested, I decided to get all Elizabeth Barrett Browning on you:

How do I blow off thee? Let me count the ways.
I blow off thee for weight and height.
For claims of age that don’t seem right.
For lack of chemistry and failure to praise.
I blow off thee any number of ways.
For photos proffered and deleted on sight.
For writing clichés, so hackneyed and trite.
I blow off thee quickly, at a wrong turn of phrase.
I blow off thee quietly, never meeting your gaze.
By hiding after saying, “I’ll talk to you soon."
By calling during thy lunch break at noon.
I blow off thee after our very first date.
‘Fore your habits on my nerves ever should grate.
I blow off thee to show you who’s boss.
Then why do I sense it is I that has lost?

Yeah, it’s a little melancholy, but all the great poets of the 1800’s had a light case of the blues, as well.

So how do you tell someone that it’s the lack of chemistry that’s the reason for blowing someone off? Try this novel idea: Don’t say anything. Don’t hash out the whys and the hows after only one date. Don’t have that terribly uncomfortable and unnecessary conversation. How about writing a quick email that says, “I had a fun time last night, but didn’t feel that necessary ‘click’ to move things forward. You seem like a great catch, though, and I wish you the best of luck in your search.” That’s not too harsh, is it?

I can appreciate it if you’re trying to be sensitive, but face it – you can’t be too sensitive when you’re dating. Either you’re going to blow them off or they’re going to blow you off. That’s how the vast majority of first and second dates go.

My personal policy in the past was NEVER tell a woman what I think is “wrong” with her. It’s simply not nice, especially since it’s only one person’s opinion. Plus, there’s nothing to learn from “there’s no chemistry." It’s not like she could go back into the lab and work on that minor issue for her next date.

The only reason I see fit to offer my thoughts is if someone asks for genuine constructive feedback. And if they ask, they can’t be too hurt if you tell. Frankly, I’m a fan of the little white lie that hurts no one. Believe me, I’ve been on the other side of women who let me know just what they thought about me – even if I didn’t ask.

And once you’ve been told to your face by a date, “I’m just not attracted to you," believe me, you start seeing the value of a short, declarative, blow-off email.