At the end of this month, I'm going to do my first class teaching pregnant women and their partners about how to enjoy sex more before birthing. My presenting partner is the group www.babyzonenyc.com. I was encouraged to not go into teachings about breast erotics with the class participants because there are apparently already too many cases where new moms are choosing not to breastfeed their babies because the feelings of the sucking can naturally arouse a woman and cause fluttery-pleasant uterine contractions. Reportedly, the last thing these women want is to feel turned on with their baby. They opt for formula in a bottle instead, so I'm told. I agreed to keep erotic breast stimulation off the menu for my presentation. I want to comment on this situation and ones like it, a topic that Betty Dodson and I have discussed off and on over the years.
I often mention a guideline I applied to sex a while back: "There's this, -and- there's this too." I bring it up whenever people or clients tell me they are interested in doing only one side of something sexual or that one side or option is inherently superior to another, and therefore always the way to go. Now, there are things out there in life that you do have to decide between, that you can't have both. However, there are oppositional things you can enjoy and embrace both of if you widen your gaze and make more sophisticated how you handle things.
It's true that boobs are white-hot for many of us, women as well as men. I'm definitely a fan of them. I love clevage in a low cut dress or blouse and fight my straight male hunger for them by -not- looking down five degrees for more than a moment, or at all. They swell slowly and gradually with protracted erotic arousal in a woman, but most dramatically during sex activites. Some women get wet from quality breast play. Women can learn to combine good nipple and areola stimulation together with clitoral stimulation for even more pleasure and bigger or sometimes faster orgasms. I love the usually-higher sensitivity of smaller breasts to erotic touch and taking the whole thing into my mouth, a unique pleasure for you both that you can't do to larger boobs. Yes, breasts are sex organs. It is also true that boobs are there as well for nourishment of a child. True also, as I said above, that women's breasts are often a source of the erotic for them to differing degrees as well as a source of self-esteem and social presence. I acknowledge women making their decisions about bottle or breastfeeding without a man, i.e. me, giving his input as women have been ruled by men (or rulers of men) for longer periods in history, and in more cultures, than they have been cooperative partners with them.
That said, I also feel this position is one that must be heard whether it's from a man or not. It's from women too. Sherri Winston, a sex educator I am a fan of and have learned from, talks about this very thing in her books and workshops. That breasts, clitoris, and vagina are all part of the sexual reproductive system from conception and erotic pleasure to child rearing and nourishing. Breasts lead double lives. Fire-like sexy and water-like maternal. You don't have to choose between the mother and sex kitten roles. Have both in your life. Again, "There's this, -and- there's this too." Hold a space for your partner to desire and pleasure your breasts and a very different space for when it's time to breastfeed. Returning now to the situation I mentioned at the start of this blog post, where the baby's instinctual suckling on the areola and nipple, not just the nipple, can trigger sensations that some women characterize as erotic, which makes them feel uncomfortable. Let those feelings just be. It's all part of the same system. Know also that breastfeeding, as I'm told, is very not-pleasurable at times too. Feels good or not, it will forever be a remarkable bond between mother and child. Embrace the dual roles of your breasts and enjoy them to the fullest.
A bonus tip for men and women who hunger for boobs: I have a new approach I teach men when met with hot breasts on skin tight or low-cut display. Your peripheral vision is quite capable of seeing what's in front of you. Staring down at them, or even glancing more than once, is not necessary. If the woman is a possible sex partner, hold the intention to connect with her with warmth, respect, and attraction all rolled into one and have the will strong enough to not let the eyes go down five degrees in front of her. Save all your firey desire for indulgence in her boobs for when you're in bed together, if that happens at all. What I've found is you charge all your boob-lust up and then let it out all at once. If you have good breast stimulation skills too, this combinaton of skill and ravishing is very hot for a lot of women. Always back up ravishing with mastered skills or yes, you may be ravishing her, but it may not be as mutually fun for the both of you. However, you can also ask her if squeezing her breasts hard in your big open hands like palming basketballs, because you're burning up with desire for them, is hot for her too. Sexual skills are extremely important -and- there are times where they aren't so much so.