At the end of this month, I'm going to do my first class teaching pregnant women and their partners about how to enjoy sex more before birthing. My presenting partner is the group www.babyzonenyc.com. I was encouraged to not go into teachings about breast erotics with the class participants because there are apparently already too many cases where new moms are choosing not to breastfeed their babies because the feelings of the sucking can naturally arouse a woman and cause fluttery-pleasant uterine contractions. Reportedly, the last thing these women want is to feel turned on with their baby. They opt for formula in a bottle instead, so I'm told. I agreed to keep erotic breast stimulation off the menu for my presentation. I want to comment on this situation and ones like it, a topic that Betty Dodson and I have discussed off and on over the years.
I often mention a guideline I applied to sex a while back: "There's this, -and- there's this too." I bring it up whenever people or clients tell me they are interested in doing only one side of something sexual or that one side or option is inherently superior to another, and therefore always the way to go. Now, there are things out there in life that you do have to decide between, that you can't have both. However, there are oppositional things you can enjoy and embrace both of if you widen your gaze and make more sophisticated how you handle things.
It's true that boobs are white-hot for many of us, women as well as men. I'm definitely a fan of them. I love clevage in a low cut dress or blouse and fight my straight male hunger for them by -not- looking down five degrees for more than a moment, or at all. They swell slowly and gradually with protracted erotic arousal in a woman, but most dramatically during sex activites. Some women get wet from quality breast play. Women can learn to combine good nipple and areola stimulation together with clitoral stimulation for even more pleasure and bigger or sometimes faster orgasms. I love the usually-higher sensitivity of smaller breasts to erotic touch and taking the whole thing into my mouth, a unique pleasure for you both that you can't do to larger boobs. Yes, breasts are sex organs. It is also true that boobs are there as well for nourishment of a child. True also, as I said above, that women's breasts are often a source of the erotic for them to differing degrees as well as a source of self-esteem and social presence. I acknowledge women making their decisions about bottle or breastfeeding without a man, i.e. me, giving his input as women have been ruled by men (or rulers of men) for longer periods in history, and in more cultures, than they have been cooperative partners with them.
That said, I also feel this position is one that must be heard whether it's from a man or not. It's from women too. Sherri Winston, a sex educator I am a fan of and have learned from, talks about this very thing in her books and workshops. That breasts, clitoris, and vagina are all part of the sexual reproductive system from conception and erotic pleasure to child rearing and nourishing. Breasts lead double lives. Fire-like sexy and water-like maternal. You don't have to choose between the mother and sex kitten roles. Have both in your life. Again, "There's this, -and- there's this too." Hold a space for your partner to desire and pleasure your breasts and a very different space for when it's time to breastfeed.