1) Try new things…in your sex life and out of it.
Our brains over time become used to the things we do regularly, the pleasure centers and reward centers don’t spark as much when we have been with the same partner, doing the same things, in the bedroom and out of it, for many years. As they say, variety is the spice of life. That spice is those brain centers firing for us. In order to keep the spice, keep the variety! Try new things. Have a sexual fantasy that you have always wanted to try? Discuss it with your partner. Want to take ballroom dancing lessons? Or how about doing some glass blowing? Explore these things with your partner. Glass blowing not as hot as you thought? How about pottery or a mixology class? The idea is to keep moving forward into new areas and exploring them together. Get those brain circuits firing. Just because you have been together for a while doesn’t mean that you should become complacent. Just like spicing up some soup takes effort so does spicing up your relationship!
2) Reminisce—a lot!
Remember what it was like when you first met, or on your first date? Or how about your best vacation? Or your worst restaurant meal? What did it feel like? Talk about it to each other. Really explore the different feelings of joy. Laugh about it, feel those juicy emotions. Become fully present in those wonderful memories, letting the good emotions carry you and become present in the here and now.
3) Hang out with those friends that always fight in front of you—yeah, you know the ones!
Sometimes spending time with people that bicker a lot can help you appreciate what you have in your relationship. You can end up having one of those conversations that include statements like “I am so glad that you don’t do…”. The bottom line for this tip is to appreciate each other. That is something you can do multiple times a day. It is something that you might forget to do in the midst of your busy life and it is something that can bring a smile to someone you love.
4) Visit a therapist or relationship coach for a reboot
Therapy is not just for crisis time! Visiting a therapist before you have a crisis is a great thing to do to refresh and enhance your intimacy and communication. It is like rebooting your computer. There isn’t really anything wrong with it but you sometimes reboot to prevent problems down the road and to keep it functioning optimally.
5) Exercise together
Do you find that you both exercise but do it at different times and in different ways? How about changing it up a bit and taking a bike ride or going for a run together? This is a great way to spend some extra time together, and exercising increases the happy feelings in your brain and body. Who better to have extra happy feelings next to than your partner? Also, sometimes it is easier to talk to each other when next to each other and moving together than when across from each other at, say, the dinner table.
6) Schedule date night then see #1
Make sure to schedule a date night. I know that your schedule is full. Your partnership is important or you wouldn’t be reading this article. Schedule some time, weekly if you can and plan things to do together, without the kids. Don’t talk about work, and don’t talk about kids or family. Reminisce about good times in the past. Dream about the future. Talk about your hopes. Consider different date night activities each time, perhaps alternating who gets to pick the activity (see #1).
7) Love is a verb…love each other
Love requires action. It is a feeling, yes, but it is more about what you do. You can feel it but not show it and it won’t get you very far. So, commit acts of love toward your partner, and often.
Looking for help with any of the above? Contact me to schedule your relationship reboot.
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