STOP Putting Up Defense Mechanisms And START Loving

Get a little loving

Life Coach Ema Drouillard, on how to avoid defending yourself and letting love into your life

Can You Be Loving While You Are Defending?

Most of us are on a quest for heartfelt love. We often hold that there is one person on the planet that can fulfill all our needs and satisfy all our desires. In reality, the love we experience in our life comes from within our network of family and friends.

Are you blocking love in your life by defending yourself? What is your most hurtful communication habit?

From my own direct experience in coaching couples and individuals about their love life, it is abundantly clear how a defensive mindset creates hurtful feelings in relationship and how it blocks love from every angle.

Communication is everything in a relationship. Loving communication can make the difference between staying together or breaking up. One of the most destructive communication habits is to hold a defensive attitude.

A Defensive Mindset

A defensive attitude defends and protects. With a communication habit to define oneself there is no room to be open, vulnerable and loving because one is busy defending oneself. In a loving relationship we are open and vulnerable. 

When you feel excessively concerned with guarding against the real or imagined threat of criticism, injury to your ego or feeling one of your shortcomings is being exposed, your mindset takes a position of defense.

When you are caught in a defensive mindset, you are planning an attack of some kind, either with your words or with your actions. Your mind becomes fixed on what to defend.

A plan of attack will remove love in your life. Short and simple. If you want more love in your life let go of your defensive mindset. As soon as you notice you have moved into a defensive mindset with your words, tone or action, it’s time to take a deep breath and start over.

Most people will hear the defense in your tone before they hear your words, if they hear your words at all. When people bump up to a defense they often start to protect themselves as well. Now no one is listening, which means feelings are being hurt. You can not build a loving relationship on hurt feelings.

A Treaty

Take a day at a time and each day make an agreement with yourself, a treaty if you will. That love is more important to you than defending some silly mindset that has nothing to do with love. If you really want love in your life, be loving.

If you need help with establishing a more loving communication habit, call today and talk with coach Ema.

More life coaching advice on YourTango:

When It Comes To Love, Are You Truly Openhearted?

An Open Mind Brings Open Possibilities To Finding Love

How To Trust Your Gut And Make Smart Decisions For Your Love Life


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