So when should you break up with your boyfriend?
I've been in this spot and it's really tough. In one relationship I went back and forth for months on whether or not I should dump him before (to my shock) he finally broke it off. Even though I should have been happy and relieved that I didn't have to do the dumping, I was horrified that he beat me to the punch. Oddly, I had a really hard time getting over it. This made it very clear that while I was slowly building my case for leaving, he was actively constructing an escape hatch.
Deep down I was hoping that the boring relationship I was having with him would magically transform into the relationship I wanted, even though I was actively ignoring several really big red flags. So what exactly are good reasons to break up? Here are my six solid reasons to dump your boyfriend:
If you're in an abusive relationship, it's definitely time to go. You should not have to protect yourself from him by walking on eggshells, worrying that he's going to snap at any moment. I know that saying "dump him" might be easy to say but harder to do, but the thing is, you owe yourself a chance to have a great relationship without fear.
If you're experiencing any type of abuse from your boyfriend, don't pass go, don't collect $200; it's time to dump him right now. It does not get better, it will not change, you can't hold out for things to improve. I don't want to scare you, but these things escalate and I don't want you to become a statistic before it's too late. You can do it, you are worth it.
2. Widely Differing Life Goals:
Do you feel like you could seriously live without getting married? Does he desperately want a further commitment from you but you just don't feel like you can give it to him, or vice versa? Does he want kids and you don't, or vice versa?
Even if you love someone with all your heart, it isn't fair to stay with them in circumstances where either you or the other person would have to compromise entire life goals for the relationship to work. Some compromise happens in all relationships, but too much compromise on the big things leads to crushing resentment.
Part of loving someone is letting them go if you can't meet their needs. I feel for you deeply if you're in this spot and I know that you have the courage to make the necessary changes to meet both of your needs.
Cheating is tough. On one hand, you might desperately want to repair the relationship, but on the other, be so angry you can barely be in the same room without wanting to rip his head off. If you've found out that your partner was unfaithful, it is an individual choice to decide what to do. You can forgive and live in fear that he'll do it again, or you can dump him and wonder what would have happened if you had stayed. It's a really horrible situation to be in, but I've always leaned toward leaving.
Not only should you breakup up if your boyfriend cheats on you, but if you're thinking about straying as well. Do you look at every guy who crosses your path and think "oh, delicious!"? Have you gotten close to or cheated on him in the past? This is a strong internal signal that it's time to go. Often people cheat because they desperately need to make a change but they aren't stepping up to the plate. If you've made this mistake or are on the verge of making it, please just let him go; it will be better for both of you.
More relationship coach advice on YourTango: