If you are wondering if yours is a narcissistic relationship, then there are some signs you cannot ignore: If you can go from being adored to devalued in the blink of an eye just because you had the audacity to question anything your partner, lover, friend or business associate said – look out! If this is the first time you question his/her omnipotence, the attack will be instant and fierce, leaving you with a feeling of having been in the way of a freight train. Of course you will be stunned at the heartless and cruel encounter with someone you admired and thought worthy of your trust, but this is your cue to make drastic adjustments to a relationship that now is changed forever.
Who is a narcissist? It can be anyone – a friend, a business partner, a lover or a spouse – even family. Maybe you looked up to this individual and admired him, which makes your confusion at the sudden aggression all the more painful as you grapple with the incomprehensibility of the senseless attack on you. What just happened? you ask yourself. There is no way to soften the blow. Once you break ranks with those who sing his (or her) praises endlessly and instead, demand accountability, the mask of contrived congeniality is swiftly ripped away and you look into the cold and calculating eyes of the real person. Those who have experienced the unabated wrath of an ‘injured’ narcissist, will be unanimous in their advice: Put as much distance between you and the perpetrator as you can. Your well-being depends on it.
If you are in doubt about the fluctuating/radical behavior of someone close to you, a short summary of the characteristics of narcissism, might clear up some aspects for those who wonder if they have a narcissist for a life partner, business partner, or a friend: The cold hard truth is that a narcissist loves no-one, not even himself. Rather, he falls in love with the ‘impression’ he thinks he makes upon others, and falsely feels love toward those who are most in awe of this ‘impression.’ Should this fake image be discovered by those who “admire” him, he becomes outraged and abandons these people in contemptuous disrespect – even publicly. The narcissist has no real friends and only fake self-esteem. Masters of deception, they devour people and shamelessly use them to achieve their goals, whilst vehemently denying any allusion to this effect.
Yes! A narcissistic relationship is utterly toxic. When you discover their gig, you will be disillusioned and stunned, but be warned that reconciliation is not even a remote possibility. Once you have peered through the sham of their pretences and lies (yes! they are pathological liars who spin a story at the drop of hat) then you become the enemy. A narcissist requires continuous admiration and stroking and if you no longer can be a source of supply, you will not be tolerated in his inner circle. Ironically, a favourite assertion of narcissists is that they are ‘humble and ego-less’, but these are only terms they use to impress. In reality, their behavior, especially when they are crossed, gives their game away. No-one told them that what you truly are, you never have to claim – that people will always know without being told.