10 Lesbian Dating Red Flags to Watch Out For!

By

10 Lesbian Dating Red Flags to Watch Out For!
Avoid drama, fights and heartbreak down the line by paying attention to these red flags!

This list is an excerpt from our all-new Conscious Lesbian Dating Kit—free when you join our new Membership Program! Visit our website for more information. 

If you're a queer woman or lesbian who is dating in the hope of creating a happy, healthy, truly intimate lasting relationship, and you meet a woman with one of these red flags, proceed with caution and find out more. If she's got two or more of these red flags, proceed at your peril. If she's got three or more, run the other way!

  1. She and her last partner broke up within the past six months—or she's vague about exactly when they broke up.
  2. She spends a good part of your date talking about her last love. (Exception: If she's speaking thoughtfully about her own mistakes and telling you what she learned, she gets a gold star instead of a red flag!)
  3. She trashes her last love and presents herself as a victim. (Remember, what she says about her ex is what she may be saying about you someday soon.)
  4. She hasn't been in a relationship in many years. (Find out why).
  5. She's never had a long-term relationship. (Exception: if she's under 25. But if someone over 25 has never had a relationship last longer than a few months, there's probably a reason.)
  6. She doesn't have any friends. (Find out why).
  7. She spends a lot of time complaining about anything or anyone. (Not a good sign).
  8. She spends most of the time talking, rather than listening to you. (Also not a good sign).
  9. She says something mean to or about you, or to or about anyone else. (There's really no excuse for meanness, and it is definitely not a good sign).
  10. She drinks or drugs daily or to excess. (Regular use of alcohol and drugs forestalls real intimacy—no ifs, ands or buts about it.)

Of course, you need to look honestly at yourself too. If you are a woman with two or more of these red flags, be kind to yourself—and to other women—by taking the time to heal and grow more whole before beginning to date.

None of these red flags are permanent conditions. All can be changed. But truly loving, intimate relationships are only likely between two relatively happy, whole, healed women. So, become one before you dateand then look for another. We can help you with this processjust visit us here!

More dating advice on YourTango:

 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Drs. Ruth Schwartz & Michelle Murrain

Relationship Coach

Ruth L. Schwartz, Ph.D. and Michelle Murrain, Ph.D.

Conscious Girlfriend: Your Path to Happy, Healthy Lesbian/Queer Relationships

www.ConsciousGirlfriend.com

 

Location: Healdsburg, CA
Credentials: PhD
Other Articles/News by Drs. Ruth Schwartz & Michelle Murrain:

What Robin Williams' Death Says About You And Me

By

Robin Williams' death shocked many of us. It's always shocking to glimpse the depth of another person's vulnerability and pain — particularly when it's someone we've admired and placed on a pedestal. But it's a very important kind of shock to feel — a good shock, if we let ourselves learn from it.  Why? ... Read more

Why You'll Never Meet The Right Partner

By

I'm sorry for that alarming headline, but the truth is, most of the women we hear from are a lot more focused on "finding Ms. Right" than on becoming Ms. Right - i.e., learning what it actually takes to create lasting intimacy, and clearing your blocks to really letting that intimacy in. (We specialize in working with lesbians - but what we have ... Read more

10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Sex

By

If your sex education was typical, you probably grew up hearing about "the birds and the bees" or the stork that brought you. Although if you were really lucky, perhaps you had parents who held their breath and sputtered something about penises and vaginas, and sperm and eggs in a five minute sex education fiasco that pretty much guaranteed none of ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB