5 Ways To Ruin Your Sex Life

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unhappy couple in bed
You may be the problem in your relationship and not even know it.

Scientists have confirmed that chocolate contains an enzyme that can set off the pleasure centers of the brain in a manner that is similar to the effect sex has on the brain ... which is why when you're too tired for one, you're likely to reach for the other: "Not tonight, honey, I'll have a Hershey's Kiss instead."

But what if you're not tired? What if you're just plain bored or not interested in a sex life that isn't what you'd imagined? You can turn the tide — but it takes more than just avoiding the candy aisle at the supermarket. We've put together a list of the five most common barriers to a healthy sex life — and how to get past them.

 

1. Negative or self-defeating thoughts about sex. These thoughts can come from anywhere (e.g. your childhood, religion, past sexual experiences, etc.) and can really affect your sexuality. Some of us grow up thinking sex is dirty or sinful, while others are taught to be ashamed of their bodies. If you have negative thoughts about sex, they're bound impact your sexual behavior, so make it a point to work past them.

The truth is, sex isn't dirty. In fact, doctors agree that it's healthy! It's good for your cardiovascular system, stress relief and even helps to fight off illnesses by increasing your body's natural defenses. Sex is also good exercise, burning off as many calories as playing a set of tennis. Develop healthier attitudes about sex with your partner and stomp out those negative, self-defeating thoughts.

2. Focusing solely on performance. When you're too self-conscious of your performance during sex (am I moving the right way? Am I making sounds that turn him on?), you're putting undue pressure on yourself — pressure that can negatively affect your sexuality and lead to self-fulfilling prophecies.

Remember, your body isn't perfect (no one's is!), and it won't 'work' perfectly all the time. Expecting perfection in your sexual performance will only lead to frustration and disappointment. Instead, focus on the fun and pleasure of sex, intimacy with your partner and the joy of pleasing each other.

3. Not owning your sexuality. The phrase "know thyself" applies perfectly to your sexuality. If you don't know what feels good and how to bring yourself to orgasm, how can your partner? Don't be afraid to get to know your body, recognize what feels good to you and acknowledge your sexual desires. There's nothing shameful about this kind of self-awareness. . Keep Reading ...

More sex advice from YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Drs. Chuck And Jo-Ann Bird

Counselor/Therapist

Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird

Relationship Counselors

Board Certified Clinical Sexologists

Location: Brandon, FL
Credentials: LMHC, NCC, PhD
Other Articles/News by Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird:

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