Should You Stay Or Should You Go?

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Should You Stay Or Should You Go?
How to decide whether a relationship is worth further time and effort is always a challenge.

How much time should you invest in a relationship before deciding it’s time to move on? This is always a difficult question. Give up too soon and you may miss out on something that could be really good. Stick around too long and you feel foolish for investing so much time and energy in someone who didn’t turn out to be worth the effort.

I’m not talking about the obvious bad choices-someone who is aggressive or very bad tempered,, self-centered, has issues of substance abuse or can’t make a living. Let’s assume you are smart enough to avoid these relationship losers. It gets trickier when some aspects of this romance are terrific and some just don’t seem to work.

Time is a big part of the problem. Everyone is pretty wonderful in the beginning. When we are newly in love we are so happy we tend to be at our best. That’s not necessarily a deception. We smile more, we’re most enthusiastic about sex, we’re more forgiving and more generous in the throes of a new romance. That newness can last from six months to two years but usually by the one year mark we start seeing the things we don’t like about the person. Even then, we tend to make excuses or rationalize the things that disappoint us in the hopes of making things work out.

NOBODY IS PERFECT.

There will always be things we don’t like about our long term partner or spouse. It’s important to be self-aware and understand the things we don’t think we can live without. It’s impossible to compromise on whether or not you want children and a family for example. When there is money conflict, some strategies can make those issues easier but too many couples face these differences realistically and head on.

COMMUNICATION AND COMPROMISE ARE KEY. 

If you don’t bring up things that bother you because you don’t want to spoil the good times or don’t want to risk getting the other person angry you will never really find out if the relationship can work. If you really want to find out if this is a relationship for the long haul, tackle the area of differences and conflict. Your ability to resolve these and come up with solutions is the best test of whether this person is the right one for you!

 

More relationship advice from YourTango

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr Robin Goldstein

Psychologist

Dr. Goldstein is a licensed psychologist with over thirty years experience helping individuals free themselves of fear and anxiety and living their best life possible.She has worked extensively with couples, helping them maximize the potential for joy in their relationships as well as working with people suffering the grief of separtion, divorce and loss from ones they love.

 

Please visit my blog at www.robingoldstein.net/blog

Follow Dr Goldstein on Twitter at www.twitter.com/drrgoldstein

Location: Boca Raton, FL
Credentials: EdD
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