ProConnect

Should You Stay Or Should You Go?

By

Should You Stay Or Should You Go?
How to decide whether a relationship is worth further time and effort is always a challenge.

How much time should you invest in a relationship before deciding it’s time to move on? This is always a difficult question. Give up too soon and you may miss out on something that could be really good. Stick around too long and you feel foolish for investing so much time and energy in someone who didn’t turn out to be worth the effort.

I’m not talking about the obvious bad choices-someone who is aggressive or very bad tempered,, self-centered, has issues of substance abuse or can’t make a living. Let’s assume you are smart enough to avoid these relationship losers. It gets trickier when some aspects of this romance are terrific and some just don’t seem to work.

More from YourTango: How Porn Can Wreck Your Sex Life

Time is a big part of the problem. Everyone is pretty wonderful in the beginning. When we are newly in love we are so happy we tend to be at our best. That’s not necessarily a deception. We smile more, we’re most enthusiastic about sex, we’re more forgiving and more generous in the throes of a new romance. That newness can last from six months to two years but usually by the one year mark we start seeing the things we don’t like about the person. Even then, we tend to make excuses or rationalize the things that disappoint us in the hopes of making things work out.

NOBODY IS PERFECT.

There will always be things we don’t like about our long term partner or spouse. It’s important to be self-aware and understand the things we don’t think we can live without. It’s impossible to compromise on whether or not you want children and a family for example. When there is money conflict, some strategies can make those issues easier but too many couples face these differences realistically and head on.

COMMUNICATION AND COMPROMISE ARE KEY. 

More from YourTango: Take Our 'Dating In The Digital Age' Survey & Enter To Win $100!

If you don’t bring up things that bother you because you don’t want to spoil the good times or don’t want to risk getting the other person angry you will never really find out if the relationship can work. If you really want to find out if this is a relationship for the long haul, tackle the area of differences and conflict. Your ability to resolve these and come up with solutions is the best test of whether this person is the right one for you!

 

More relationship advice from YourTango

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Dr Robin Goldstein

Psychologist

Dr. Goldstein is a licensed psychologist with over thirty years experience helping individuals free themselves of fear and anxiety and living their best life possible.She has worked extensively with couples, helping them maximize the potential for joy in their relationships as well as working with people suffering the grief of separtion, divorce and loss from ones they love.

 

Please visit my blog at www.robingoldstein.net/blog

Follow Dr Goldstein on Twitter at www.twitter.com/drrgoldstein

Location: Boca Raton, FL
Credentials: EdD
Other Articles/News by Dr Robin Goldstein:

They Fight For Our Country: Their Mental Health Matters!

By

The tragic shootings at Fort Hood put the media spotlight, once again, on mental health issues. The shooter may not have left sufficient clues around to his mental state, but clearly this was a very disturbed person who took the lives of three others as well as himself and injured many more. There have been other issues related to mental health that have ... Read more

Time for a Break from Internet Dating?

By

I'm a great supporter of internet dating. It is the single most effective way to find someone but are there times when it becomes too much? Absolutely! SIGNS THAT YOU NEED A BREAK FROM ONLINE DATING 1) Are you constantly checking your sites to see if you've heard from someone new and interesting? 2) Did you just go through a breakup and feel ... Read more

How do you Feel About Valentine's Day

By

Will this Valentine’s Day be a happy one for you?  It seems to me that holiday pressure keeps mounting and I’m not sure why.  Perhaps as American families become more fractured through divorce and increased geographic distance intimate family celebrations and ritual become less common and cultural ones are filling that gap.  A ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts
Staying Dry

10 Signs Your Guy is Smitten

Does that new hunky guy you've been dating see you in his future? Here are 10 ways he'll show you.

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Rebirth Renew Happy Easter!

Five ways to get going on your best life today!

Texting Your Way To Love

How To Have Cyber Sex: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Lady's Passion

Cyber sex partners disappearing right when things are heating up? Make them crave you instead!

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS