Are you yearning for someone to love? Or are you in love and want to be sure it will last and grow deeper and richer with time? These are wonderful goals—and so few people achieve them! You can be one of these lucky ones if you don’t fall into the hidden traps that make loving so difficult. For that you need to bring your understanding and practice of love to an entirely new level.
Most people’s ability to love is held hostage by their egos. It’s a sad story: they may have moments of tasting pure, unconditional ecstasy in their hearts, but then, almost immediately, their desires take over. Now they want to possess, control and manipulate the object of their desire. They become frustrated, angry, distant and cold and conflicts abound. Unconsciously they do everything that obstructs—and may even kill—the impulse of love that for a moment so inspired them.
Others don’t even get that far. They begin with trying to manipulate their potential lover and if they get from them what their ego wants they call it love. This is very confusing. They think they are in love but they are suffering from ego inflation. Their ego swells because their lover makes them look good, provides for them, gives them comfort or sexual thrills, or helps them forget that they don’t feel good about themselves. They think it’s all about their lover, but in reality it’s all about them.
Of course there is nothing at all wrong with any of these benefits—when they come as a byproduct of real love. But when they are the main purpose for a relationship, true love is dead, you’re using or being used, and soon enough an inevitable frustration and disappointment will set in. ‘Love’ based on getting what you want is a balloon that will pop sooner or later. We call it ‘falling out of love,’ but it’s really falling out of self-deceit.
What remains is a yearning for something else, something deeper, something lasting and meaningful. This can blossom in a relationship only after your understanding and skill of loving are at a higher level. This requires a spiritual view which usually begins with disillusionment. This is a great thing: “dis-illusionment”. It means that you are losing your illusions. Only once your illusions about love clear out you have a chance to learn to love the right way, perhaps for the first time. Disillusionment means meeting reality. Congratulations!
You meet reality when you realize that what you’ve been doing about love can never work. You’re like the beggar who complains about his cruel life every day as he puts down his head to sleep on a hard brick he has rapped in some cloth. Only after he dies someone removes the cloth and realizes that unknowingly the beggar has slept every night on a brick of pure gold. This beggar in you has to die so you can realize that you have a Heart of pure gold and can learn how to use it!
Now you begin to understand that all the romantic yearning in your head, all the dreams of ‘a happy forever after’ with your prince charming are a distraction, a dangerous poison because they tell you to look for love where you cannot possibly find it. But who wants to have their illusions destroyed? Only those who are seeking a deeper truth.
All true and unconditional love that has ever been experienced by anyone
has arisen from inside!
This inner impulse to love usually is triggered by an external object, a lover for instance. Then to maintain it and deepen it is up to you. Once you have this internal focus you will not be so prone to want to control and manipulate your lover. Instead you may become sensitive to what awakens that love in you and what doesn’t.
Worldly love is nothing more than the attempt to satisfy your desires. But now divine love begins to emerge in your heart. The energy of this love does not flow outward into the world but toward God (the God of your understanding) in you. There is always an unending supply of this love in your heart. The question is only this: do you know how to drink from this internal Source?
When your love has awakened on this new level you maintain your traditional roles as lover, spouse, parent or child, but you will begin to sense that you are loving God through your different relationships. When that vision develops you can begin to see that human love is not separate from Divine love because human beings are the channels through which this higher love is expressed.
When you begin to fill your mind with uplifting thoughts generated by spiritual practice—and at the same time decrease the old pain and negative conditioning of your mind, then you are developing your capacity for goodness, magnanimity, generosity and unconditional love. Now you begin to be able and qualified to have the kind of relationship you have been dreaming about.
With this fundamental change of realizing the hopelessness of trying to grasp love from external objects and instead developing your inner capacity to love for the sake of love, you begin to be able to taste more subtle spiritual feelings. As you explore and practice this inner capacity for sublime love, it will grow surprisingly quickly and become a powerful and irresistible force.
Now, instead of hoping for the perfect lover to come to you, you are becoming that perfect lover instead. As you become capable of giving to you and others the love you always hungered to receive, your loving becomes independent, free and rich beyond your wildest dreams, and eventually it becomes universal.
This great and sublime capacity in you rests on a secret. It is the realization that lover and beloved are one. This is the end of fear and the secret of Mahavidya, the great wisdom or revelation of oneness.
To begin to nurture yourself immediately from this inner Source, to practice this oneness and take your ability to love onto this magnificent higher level, listen to a series of FREE 10 days HeartSourcing™ meditations. This is how you can elevate the transient nature of human love into the twofold experience of the Divine: Love and Bliss! Sharing this rock-solid inner ability for love with a lover is the glory of a truly skillful relationship.
With love and Gratitude,
Skills for Awakening